My Name Means...

ok so i stole it from Candace. but it was interesting.


You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.


hmmm....go figure.

Valentine's Day

well i know it's a few days later but i've told this story quite a few times arleady so i figured i would just put it up here and then you can ooh and aah all you want without making me tell it over and over again!
so all keith had told me was that he had some plan and i was supposed to come to his house at 5pm and then i would find out what we were doing. so i showed up at his house, and find that he has made supper for us. he kicked his family out of his house and set up a little table with roses (one each of red, white, and pink) and some little candles. he made so much food...soup and porkchops and potatoes and corn and then cheesecake with cherries for dessert! he made my favorites...he had very sneakily been keeping track of some of my favorite foods and then put them all together. and while we were eating he had a cd playing, coincidentaly the same cd that he had given me when he first asked me out about eight months ago! he had actually had to get my sister to find the cd and reburn it for him because he didn't have it, obviously, because i did.
and then after supper he told me that we were going to decorate a cake for michael (it was his birthday, and i actually knew this part of the plan, he had told me before) and so he's like oh we need to go get some candy hearts to decorate it with, they're in my room. and so we walk into his room and i'm thinking well this is a little odd, why did i have to come, obviously something is up...and surprise surprise, on his bed is a big white teddy bear and a box of chocolate (dark, of course, it is my favorite)! so that was exciting. he also surprised me with tickets to see the movie definately, maybe which is a new release that had just come out on valentine's. so we decorated michael's heart-shapped, pink iced cake and then went to the movie which was really good and i enjoyed it. then we booked it to michael's house to say happy birthday and deliver the cake, and then i quickly went home because it was getting late and it was a school night.
you know in general i think valentine's is kinda overrated, and i don't think it should just be one special day out of the year, but the whole year should be like that. but i have to admit, i loved valentine's this year (i'd never really fully experienced it before, apparently). i know i got spoiled, but i can't lie--i loved every minute of it.

Stressed

there is so much going on in my brain right now that i don't even know what to think and i'm so stressed it's unbelievable! me, the one who is never stressed...is very stressed! people keep asking me what is wrong because i'm so quiet and haven't talked much at all this week, and all i can say is that i am stressed and that there is a lot going through my mind.
take, for example, course selection. we're choosing classes for next year, and it's really hard. especially because i have no idea what i want to do with my life! and when i say that, i mean that i have no idea what i want to do after high school, what i want to take in university, what i want to become. HELP!
so i'm taking a generalized year next year (i think, i haven't handed in my form...) with AP english classes, my C30 math, history, all my sciences, band, and psychology. my mom wants me to take the AP calculus class too, but i don't think i can. i hate math, i don't enjoy it, i don't understand it, i don't think i would do well in that class. i don't want the added pressure of that class. i know it would be difficult, and i don't want to do it. she would rather me drop band and take the AP calculus course. but i would rather stay in band. even though a lot of my friends are dropping it, i really enjoy band. i do. and it's the only stress-reliever class that i have, all the other classes will be hard, hard work. so i don't know what to do.
i'm also thinking about driving. again. i need to get my drivers, i know i do. i need to get it simply to get people off my back. i understand now why people didn't like it when i asked them about it, because now that it's happening to me i hate it. it just makes me want to leave it alone and forget it. but i can't leave it alone because people keep saying it to me, and it only makes me angry and i don't want to be angry because i know they're just trying to push me in the right direction. and i need to get it over and done with so that i can have a cell phone...
and then there's egypt and ottawa, and trying to pay for those, with the little money that i have, which means i need to get a job, which means i actually need to get on that...which means i will be even more busy and adding another thing to my life. i want to work, i need the money, but i can't bring myself to actually come out and do it. what is wrong with me?
and then there is yc, which if i go i will have to pay for but it is worth it to spend the money, i just have to convince my parents to let me go.
and paying for a dress, because i'm keith's escort for grad, and i need a dress for that, which is another thing to pay for on my list...
i realize that i'm probably stressing this way too much. but i just can't help it. it's all on my mind and won't leave me alone!

Ta-Da!

it's finally here! a new post from katelynn! and it only took a bazillion days...
well what can i say since i posted last. not a lot. my life hasn't really changed a whole bunch. but i suppose i could tell you about a few highlights to my life, and finals, and this weekend...
ok so maybe i have more to say than i thought i did.

well let's start with basketball and my interesting story. ok well you see this one day, we went to bethlehem school to play basketball against them. and i was on the floor, and guarding this girl, and she gets the ball and starts racing down the court for a fast-break layup, right? wrong. well right i guess because this is what she did, she's running down the court. but i'm with her, step for step. the annoying thing is that i can't seem to get ahead of her, but hey, i caught up, so that counts for something! anyways, she goes up to do her layup--step step jump. well i'm right with her, jump at the same time as her...and what do i do? bodycheck her into the wall, of course!
didn't see that one coming, did you?
yeah she went flying into the mats they have on the wall. poor girl...i felt bad. but she wasn't hurt. and i didn't really mean to do that. but i did by accident. took a foul for it, but it was worth it.

and last week i went to the michael buble concert. it was really, really good. caitlin and i had a lot of fun singing all the songs and making fun of him and his dance moves, and laughing at his (at times) vulgar jokes. ahh, what a good night.

finals have been easy. no joke. my last one is tomorrow, math. and it will be my hardest. all the other ones have been super easy, some of them a joke, really.

ok and now on to this weekend. well i am going to the retreat, which i am super excited for, it's going to be spectacular. i was supposed to be going to the select band thing on the weekend, but i asked my parents and they said i could go to the retreat instead. and i e-mailed my band teacher just to let her know i wouldn't be there, and she sent me an e-mail back and from the sounds of it, she isn't too happy! she's angry that me and some other people who are now not going took the spots of people of people who were turned away. and in some ways she made me feel guilty, because i was supposed to go and i backed out. but i didn't want to go in the first place, i've been trying to get out of this ever since i found out i was in it. and i really want to be at that retreat...so i'm probably going to have my head chewed off on tuesday. but that's ok. the retreat will be worth it.

Blah

christmas for another year has come and gone, and i don't really care. this year i didn't even feel that excited for christmas, and to me, when christmas finally came, it just didn't feel like christmas. and i'm not sure why. i've heard that as you get older christmas just loses it's excitement and splendor, and it's just a holiday from school. maybe so. but usually i am excited for christmas, excited for the presents, the family time, the traditions. but this year i just wasn't into it. i was meh. it's strange, i've never felt that way about christmas before. but i didn't enjoy christmas the same way i that i usually do. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed christmas. i had a good time with my family and keith, and keith's family.

in some ways i hate the holidays. i just feel so tired all the time! it's probably because i'm not out and doing things, but it's still so strange. you would think that because i'm not doing much i would have more energy, energy that is all stored up. but no, that's not how it seems to be. i'm good for a few hours, and then i just randomly crash. it's so strange. hopefully the alnighter tomorrow will help! i'm so excited for it. it will be a grand time. and then new years, which apparently i am spending with keith and his family friends!? sure alright sounds good to me, let's hope katelynn doesn't make a fool of herself. ooh ooh i got a new cd today! the sherwood cd....sweet. i'm going to go listen to it now.

EH Formal

well last night keith and i went to the formal and evan hardy, and actually it was pretty fun! the supper part was good and we had a lot of pictures taken, especially by this teacher who takes pictures for the yearbook. so i'm pretty sure that i'll be in the evan hardy yearbook. probably a couple times. and the food was decent, and the dance was fun and they actually played good music! and it was even that dirty. honestly, evan hardy dancers are cleaner than centennial dances, from what i saw. but whatever. so yeah it was a lot of fun and i don't really know what else to say. keith looked good, i looked good, i got a rose....life is wonderful! so here, you can all look at a lovely picture now...

The Random Writings from Biology

i'm not a genius
but i'm not stupid.
i'm not drop dead gorgeous
but i'm not butt ugly.
i'm not a jock
but i'm not a lazy bum.
i'm not the life of the party
but i'm not a social outcast.
i'm average.



but why me? why am i the lucky one? i wish that they were lucky too. i want them to have what i have. and yet i will not give up what i have. there is no way i could let go. but why me? what did i ever do to deserve him?



...and i want life to be fair...




in a beautiful green world,
where nature is king,
there is a castle that reigns in beauty and splendor.

inside lives a princess, whom everyone loves.
all day and all night she does as she please.
she goes for tea with her friends,
they laugh and they tease.
they trust and they tell,
sisters forever.

and she has a boy,
who has stolen her heart.
who makes her sing,
calms her fears.
who makes her laugh,
and dries her tears.
he still has the ability to give her butterflies with simply

a look or a
touch.

they all know her so well,
in their own special way.
this princess who dances,
safe and carefree.
and she goes through life with
ease that is envied.
naive and blind to the
real world
around her.

and she wishes
on rainbows
and stars and so much more.
she crosses her fingers to keep her luck strong.
but try as she might
to keep reality at bay,
she knows her fairytale can't always stay.
but when will the pixie dust fall and the palace burn?
when will the girls and the special boy go?
she doesn't know when it will all fall apart.
so until then she will live in her fairytale world.
and maybe if she wishes, ans wishes some more...
her fairytale world will never go away.





and i wish that it would never have to end...

My Favorite Fears

to the tune of "My Favorite Things" in The Sound of Music:


death to those close to me
natural disasters
fires at midnight and
burglas who prowl
people in cars who drive by with black guns
these are a few of my favorite fears

diving boards, drowning
skiing and biking
sitting alone and
waiting for others
ordering at resturaunts while they stare and smirk
these are a few of my favorite fears

shedding my mask, show
what i really feel
giving my heart out
and choosing to trust
hoping those close to me won't run away
these are a few of my favorite fears

when the dog bites
when the bee stings
these also make me scream
to counter these fears i hold
tight to my Father and then I don't feel
so scared

Run from the Unmasked

there are times when i think
that wearing my mask is beneficial.
to myself, and to those around me.
because, really,
who wants to see all of me?
who wants to see every
change
in mood?
who wants to see
every thought
flash through my eyes?
but contrary to this,
i have heard that it is bad
to wear a mask.
that it is horribly hard on
yourself
to keep everything
bottled inside.
and i hear the people tell me
to let it out.
to take the cap off the bottle,
and to stop hiding what i really
think and feel.
but they are the ones
who do not want to hear.
who do now want to see the
strong one
fall apart.
and when she does,
she is left all
alone.
to be with these thoughts and feelings
that she finally let out
because people said they would be there.
and when she finally opens up
she discovers that she cannot trust,
because they all
run.

Worrying

ok there is just stuff bugging me right now that i need to get out, because this is driving me nuts and i have no one to talk to right now.

well i suppose my question is: is it wrong to be the designated driver for friends? is it bad to go to parties, purposefully not drinking, but going just for the purpose of being the DD?

someone very close to me is doing this again this weekend, and i have to be honest--i don't like it. it happened last year, and i worried so much. and i know that on saturday night, i will be up late into the night wondering what is going on and praying until i can't pray anymore that they are all safe and nothing goes wrong. they're taking the precautions, it was right of them to choose the DD, but why put yourself in the situation, whether you are the partier or the DD...i don't like it. it makes me nervous. and i worry for the DD. not that they'll drink. not that people will try to get on them. not that they'll do something stupid. i don't know why i worry. but i do.

call me crazy, say it's irrational, tell me there's no need to worry...i don't care what you say. i worry, and i don't know how to stop.

Waiting for Mason...

and while i wait, i will take the short and limited time that i have to blog. because otherwise, you might never hear from me ever again. well, at least not this week. i'm so busy! it's insane! ok let's talk about all the things katelynn has to do.

1. well of course there is school, which takes up half my waking hours...plus homework. which generally, i guess i can't complain, because i don't get that much. but still. so we'll average...9 hours or so of school. maybe 8.
2. basketball. which takes up about 2 hours of my every day. plus this thursday/friday we are in the mount royal tipoff classic, a senior tournament. cross your fingers we don't completely die.
3. extracurricular. this would include violin, AWANA, youth...a couple hours almost every day. well, tuesdays, wednesdays, fridays. but that's still quite a bit of time.
4. any social life that i can possibly fit in. which, right now, isn't a lot. it really isn't. not gonna lie, it is suffering.

oh who am i kidding, ALL areas of my life are suffering right now! school? well, some of it ain't so great. (don't ask about my last math test...although the bio test was good!) basketball? it's alright, although tomorrow is my first game and i'm ...a lot nervous! extracurricular? well, violin is definately on the losing end of things, don't have a good feeling about tomorrow's lesson. AWANA is fine, although i can't be there next week what a shame. youth? well, i wasn't there last week, probably won't be there this week, and then i will miss two MORE weeks, which means i'll be back just in time for the christmas banquet. joy oh joy. you're all going to hate me now. and my social life? well good thing i see a big chunk of friends at school, otherwise a) i would be a hermit and a social outcast and b) all my friends would hate me. as it is only about half of you probably complain that you haven't seen me. well book now, if you want a spot!

Home Sick

i don't mean i'm sick for my home, i mean i am at home, being sick.

yuck.

i hate being sick. but that's how i woke up this morning. i just have this awful tummy ache! so i took the day off from school. which is really odd, because i NEVER stay home sick. never never never. and it wasn't really my idea. i mean i thought of staying home, but i was like no, i need to go to school...and plus if i wanted to go out tonight i should probably be able to go out during the day! but then my mom suggested i just take the day off and stay home, and that's what i ended up doing because i just feel horrible. just yucky all around. it's so gross, actually. but i won't go into all the details, i don't want to gross anyone out.

the one perk to being home all day is that there is a what not to wear marathon on ALL DAY LONG! so while i am sick i can sit and watch what not to wear. wonderful!

anyways, back to the couch.

Ode to Fish & Chips

oh fish and chips
how i long for you
i tasted you once and never again will i eat
fish or chips
the same way.
i savour your taste
fried in grease it may be
but to my taste buds
it is heaven.
oh fish, i dip you in your best friend
who goes by the name
tartar sauce.
the taste of the two of you
together
is like a beautiful dance
or a song in perfect harmony.
and chips, you too
have a dance partner,
who dresses in red and goes by the name
ketchup.
oh fish and chips,
how i long for you.
and i wait for the day,
when we three shall meet again.
fish with the partner of tartar sauce,
chips with the partner of ketchup,
and me with the partner of money.
oh i wait for the day
when the three pairs
will meet again
and begin, once again,
to dance.

Out in the Open

thought i should get this out in the open, just for anyone who doesn't know. and also because i know the people reading this blog will pray for me, and i really need that prayer over the next few days.
ok. i told mike that i wanted to be baptized this sunday. sooo....yeah. i'm scared.

It's a little early!

but i did promise caitlin i would help her with filming her speech, and it's not my fault she chose 9am...but it is my fault that i only got about seven hour sof sleep. oh well. i'm young, i'll bounce back. right?

but i'm actually looking forward to today. helping caitlin out for a bit, then chilling with keith and getting fish and chips for lunch--

pause here.

I LOVE FISH AND CHIPS!!!!

i think once i've eaten my fish and chips i will have a special blog post all about them.

now back to my day.

--and then i'm just chilling with keith i think...maybe going to carrie's birthday party to help steph out, but keith wasn't too keen on my leaving him for the afternoon. so we'll see.

on another note, my back is so tense! even i can feel it, and usually i can't feel it. but my muscles are sore, and they hurt. anyone want to give me a massage???

but i better go sit by the door, caitlin will be here soon.

It's way too late to still be up...

once again, i am sititng here, doing nothing.
but for once i actually want to be posting, i want to be updating this blog, i want it to have life.

but once again, i'm not quite sure what to say.

it is late, and yet i don't want to sleep. i do because i have to get up in a few hours...but on the other hand i want to talk, i want to discuss, i want to question. it is that time of night when i mull over things, and this makes me ask questions. partially because of the topics i was talking about tonight. i talked with carly and keith for the past hour and a bit.

ok, they did most of the talking. i mostly listened.

and they were talking about people they went to elementary school with, and where they are now in life.

and it made me think a couple of things.

one, that keith was very different in elementary and there's a whole bunch of things that i kinda knew but didn't really know the whole story. and how he was a bit of a player back then.

two, it made me think about where the people i went to elementary school are. and i have a big urge to find the graduating list of students and go through the list with someone and wonder where they are now, and to laugh about the memories that those names bring back. because i have years of history with those people, and there are memories i'm sure that are hiding, just waiting for someone to say the right word and call them out of their dark corner of my mind.

but now i suppose i should be off to bed, where i will wonder more until sleep overtakes my me, and dreams consume my mind. and maybe, if i'm lucky, i will dream of old memories.

I don't even want to be doing this right now

and yet i am posting. what is the point in this? i have no reason to post, and no want to post in the first place...
and yet i am here.

well i am thinking about whether i want to go out tonight or not...originally i was just going to stay home with keith and watch a movie but then kenton called him and invited him to go bowling and the invitation was extended to me, and now it is up to me to decide whether we bowl or watch a movie. and while it's a movie that i really want to see, we can watch it in a couple days. and i do like bowling. but i'm just not sure if i'm in a people mood tonight. honestly, i'm kinda sleepy actually. i just want to go lay down and have a nap. i am content with being silent, and i know that if i go out i will either have to talk and make myself seem happy, or be silent and suffer the questions and looks.

i think i'll just go have a nap.

<3

I WANT A GUY...

who would move the hair away from my eyes and then kiss me.

hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.

someone who would sing to me at random moments.

who would let me sleep on their chest.

a boy who would get mad at someone if they called me ugly or was mean to me.

i want someone who would call me 3 times a day if he went away.

someone who would just let me gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything i said.

he would throw stuffed animals at me when i acted dumb and then kiss me a million times.

someone who would make fun of me just to make me laugh.

he would take me to the park and put his arms around my waist and give me big bear hugs all the time.

he would tell his friends about me all the time and smile when he did it.

and we'd make out in the pouring rain.

he would never be afraid to say "i love you".

and we'd argue about silly little things and then make up.

i want a boy that would kiss me at midnight on new years and count stars with me.

who would stay at home with me on a friday night just to help me make dinner and watch movies together under the same blanket.

someone who would tell me i'm beautiful, but not too often.

who would make me laugh like no one else could.

but mostly i just want someone who would be my best friend and would never break my heart..

Help My Blog Not Be Boring!

my blog is so boring. so would someone please leave a comment and give me something to talk about? give me a situation, a scenario, a quote or verse to meditate on, ask a question...something!

please?

Waiting

as i sit here and wait for time to go by...i will blog. because erin wants me to.

ok well what can i say? i'm obsessed with facebook? nothing new.
my pants are dirty? well yes in fact, they are. they have four little yellow spots on them, and i don't have a clue what they are from.
i have awesome pink lemonade lipgloss? you bet!
i'm a nut? for sure.

alrighty. well what can i really say? how about...i'm bored with school? yes, me, the girl who would always say "i love school!"? yep, one and the same. school for me this year is just dragging by, and not holding up to it's usual excitement. i'm not sure if i changed or if just my attitudes changed, but suddenly i find myself bored and just wanting to go home. even though most of my friends are at school with me and even in my classes, i just do not want to be there. but i really need to find a way to get back into it, to enjoy school again. it makes the day, week, month, year, easier. so i guess that's what i'm struggling with right now.

okay this has wasted about two minutes of my time?

well tomorrow is halloween and at school the band is play "the headless horseman" and it is such a creepy song! nt going to lie. we're playing it for the pep rally. oh yay for shortened classes tomorrow morning! even though it means we have a pep rally. maybe this one will actually be good!

and i'm waiting some more, for time to go by...so i can go carve a pumpkin! yes, that is what i am waiting for. because tonight i am carving a pumpkin with keith. oh yes, it will be interesting. hopefully it actually turns out semi-good! ok, better than semi-good. good good.

is this enough for you erin?