My Favorite Fears

to the tune of "My Favorite Things" in The Sound of Music:


death to those close to me
natural disasters
fires at midnight and
burglas who prowl
people in cars who drive by with black guns
these are a few of my favorite fears

diving boards, drowning
skiing and biking
sitting alone and
waiting for others
ordering at resturaunts while they stare and smirk
these are a few of my favorite fears

shedding my mask, show
what i really feel
giving my heart out
and choosing to trust
hoping those close to me won't run away
these are a few of my favorite fears

when the dog bites
when the bee stings
these also make me scream
to counter these fears i hold
tight to my Father and then I don't feel
so scared

Run from the Unmasked

there are times when i think
that wearing my mask is beneficial.
to myself, and to those around me.
because, really,
who wants to see all of me?
who wants to see every
change
in mood?
who wants to see
every thought
flash through my eyes?
but contrary to this,
i have heard that it is bad
to wear a mask.
that it is horribly hard on
yourself
to keep everything
bottled inside.
and i hear the people tell me
to let it out.
to take the cap off the bottle,
and to stop hiding what i really
think and feel.
but they are the ones
who do not want to hear.
who do now want to see the
strong one
fall apart.
and when she does,
she is left all
alone.
to be with these thoughts and feelings
that she finally let out
because people said they would be there.
and when she finally opens up
she discovers that she cannot trust,
because they all
run.

Worrying

ok there is just stuff bugging me right now that i need to get out, because this is driving me nuts and i have no one to talk to right now.

well i suppose my question is: is it wrong to be the designated driver for friends? is it bad to go to parties, purposefully not drinking, but going just for the purpose of being the DD?

someone very close to me is doing this again this weekend, and i have to be honest--i don't like it. it happened last year, and i worried so much. and i know that on saturday night, i will be up late into the night wondering what is going on and praying until i can't pray anymore that they are all safe and nothing goes wrong. they're taking the precautions, it was right of them to choose the DD, but why put yourself in the situation, whether you are the partier or the DD...i don't like it. it makes me nervous. and i worry for the DD. not that they'll drink. not that people will try to get on them. not that they'll do something stupid. i don't know why i worry. but i do.

call me crazy, say it's irrational, tell me there's no need to worry...i don't care what you say. i worry, and i don't know how to stop.

Waiting for Mason...

and while i wait, i will take the short and limited time that i have to blog. because otherwise, you might never hear from me ever again. well, at least not this week. i'm so busy! it's insane! ok let's talk about all the things katelynn has to do.

1. well of course there is school, which takes up half my waking hours...plus homework. which generally, i guess i can't complain, because i don't get that much. but still. so we'll average...9 hours or so of school. maybe 8.
2. basketball. which takes up about 2 hours of my every day. plus this thursday/friday we are in the mount royal tipoff classic, a senior tournament. cross your fingers we don't completely die.
3. extracurricular. this would include violin, AWANA, youth...a couple hours almost every day. well, tuesdays, wednesdays, fridays. but that's still quite a bit of time.
4. any social life that i can possibly fit in. which, right now, isn't a lot. it really isn't. not gonna lie, it is suffering.

oh who am i kidding, ALL areas of my life are suffering right now! school? well, some of it ain't so great. (don't ask about my last math test...although the bio test was good!) basketball? it's alright, although tomorrow is my first game and i'm ...a lot nervous! extracurricular? well, violin is definately on the losing end of things, don't have a good feeling about tomorrow's lesson. AWANA is fine, although i can't be there next week what a shame. youth? well, i wasn't there last week, probably won't be there this week, and then i will miss two MORE weeks, which means i'll be back just in time for the christmas banquet. joy oh joy. you're all going to hate me now. and my social life? well good thing i see a big chunk of friends at school, otherwise a) i would be a hermit and a social outcast and b) all my friends would hate me. as it is only about half of you probably complain that you haven't seen me. well book now, if you want a spot!

Home Sick

i don't mean i'm sick for my home, i mean i am at home, being sick.

yuck.

i hate being sick. but that's how i woke up this morning. i just have this awful tummy ache! so i took the day off from school. which is really odd, because i NEVER stay home sick. never never never. and it wasn't really my idea. i mean i thought of staying home, but i was like no, i need to go to school...and plus if i wanted to go out tonight i should probably be able to go out during the day! but then my mom suggested i just take the day off and stay home, and that's what i ended up doing because i just feel horrible. just yucky all around. it's so gross, actually. but i won't go into all the details, i don't want to gross anyone out.

the one perk to being home all day is that there is a what not to wear marathon on ALL DAY LONG! so while i am sick i can sit and watch what not to wear. wonderful!

anyways, back to the couch.

Ode to Fish & Chips

oh fish and chips
how i long for you
i tasted you once and never again will i eat
fish or chips
the same way.
i savour your taste
fried in grease it may be
but to my taste buds
it is heaven.
oh fish, i dip you in your best friend
who goes by the name
tartar sauce.
the taste of the two of you
together
is like a beautiful dance
or a song in perfect harmony.
and chips, you too
have a dance partner,
who dresses in red and goes by the name
ketchup.
oh fish and chips,
how i long for you.
and i wait for the day,
when we three shall meet again.
fish with the partner of tartar sauce,
chips with the partner of ketchup,
and me with the partner of money.
oh i wait for the day
when the three pairs
will meet again
and begin, once again,
to dance.

Out in the Open

thought i should get this out in the open, just for anyone who doesn't know. and also because i know the people reading this blog will pray for me, and i really need that prayer over the next few days.
ok. i told mike that i wanted to be baptized this sunday. sooo....yeah. i'm scared.