Change

there is change in the air.
i can feel it.
it's everywhere i look.
and as much as i tried to deny it,
it is in me.
perhaps mainly in me.
i notice the change in others
faster than i notice it in myself.
i blame others for their changes
when it is my change that causes
problems.
my observations of others are
unfair,
perhaps even
judgemental.
i am hard on those
i love most
and keep the blame off
myself.
when all these problems
that have come about
have not
spontaneously generated
but most likely caused
by my own
change.
i search for how i have changed,
and still for how others have changed.
i search for how those changes,
in me and in others,
collide.
i search for the source of the problems,
and can only find change
to blame.
i search to fix
the problems that change has caused
but find myself shying away
from hurting others.
i do not want confrontation
again.
i want to change
how this is.
i want to fix
the problem.
but how do you find a solution
when you don't know the source of the problem?
and so i fear
that i must
yet again
change.