"Jacking"

ok. so our school servery is pretty laid back. in other words...it's very very easy to steal stuff from it, and swipe bags of chips, lollipops, etc. and a lot of people do it. but i hadn't known anyone who did it until today...

a friend of mine came up to me today and started talking about how easy it was to "jack" stuff from the servery. now you gotta understand, that this is a guy who i have known for over 5 years, and i have always trusted him and looked up to him and respected him, and usually he has a pretty good idea of what is right and what is wrong. or at least i thought so. but high school must be getting to him or something...because now suddenly he is talking about how easy it is! and i was like yeah but you would never do that...right? that's bad! and he just shows me a lollipop from his pocket and says that it's not the first time he's done it. and he told me that another really close friend of mine does it all the time as well.

well that was like dropping a boulder on top of me. honestly, it was like i just caved. not on the outside...on the outside i was just "you shouldn't do that" and all. like i let him know that i don't approve of that. but on the inside...it was like NO! not you...not you of all people. and this other friend of mine...i haven't had a chance to talk to him yet. but NO! i can't believe it! how could they do this...they know it's not right.

Silver and Gold

make new friends, but keep the old...one is silver and the other's gold

so yeah that's a little diddly that has been around for forever, and everyone knows it, and it's often sung as a round. there's your background information.

anyways...that little diddly just kinda struck me today. it's making me think about my friends. not that i'm like dissing them or ditching them or anything. i have awesome friends, and i'm smart enough to know that i shouldn't leave them...because i doubt that i will ever find better ones.

ok. back to the point. i'm just thinking about what that really means. if you take it as the gold ones are like your older friends, the ones you have for a long time, and then the silver ones are like your newer friends...then what does that mean? i suppose that means that you should keep both. that you can have more than just one close friends...and even though you've been close with the gold friend(s) for a long time, and then this silver one(s) comes along and you get along great...that doesn't mean ditch the gold ones. but it doesn't mean saying to the silver ones "oh yeah you can't be my friend because i've already got friends". i guess it's just all about finding a balance between friends...different friends, different groups of friends...even some friends that you get along with better than others.

i have this friend...and at one point in time, my mother told me that i should be careful of how much time i spent with her because my mother thought that when i came home from being with this friend i was "depressed and emotionally drained". when my mother told me this, i was kinda upset. because i love this friend, and i felt like my mother was dissing her and saying that she had issues that i didn't need to be "burdened" with. and now, while i still don't agree with what my mother said, i understand it. and i understand that sometimes after spending time with certain people, you are drained or tired or whatever. and you need a break. because some people are just like that. doesn't mean they're less important, or less of a friend. they just maybe need you more at that point, and you're giving them a lot of yourself that leaves you tired.

i don't know where i'm going with this.

i guess...i just wanted to say that i have a great group of friends, ones that i know love me and support me...and the really good ones are there for me through the thick and the thin, and they love me no matter what...don't always love what i do, but love me for who i am on the inside...obese or anorexic. they give me tough love when i need it, and tell me how to make my life better. and they cry with me when i'm sad, they laugh with me when i am happy, and the hug me when i just need a hug.

and i guess i just really want to thank them for that.

A friend is like a flower,a rose to be exact,
Or maybe like a brand new gate
that never comes unlatched.
A friend is like an owl,
both beautiful and wise.
Or perhaps a friend is like a ghost,
whose spirit never dies.
A friend is like a heart that goes
strong until the end.
Where would we be in this world
if we didn't have a friend.
--no i didn't write this i found it on the internet

Exhausted

with a capital E. i'm just so tired. partially because of basketball...now don't get me wrong. i love playing, i love my team, i love my coach, i love practice. it's all good. just...an hour and a half of basketball everyday can get pretty tiring. add on top everything else i do in my life...which isn't always that much but i like to think it is...well sometimes life gets pretty overwhelming. and i guess it doesn't help that i haven't been sleeping well. last time i posted about not being able to sleep, well, that was i just couldn't sleep. i was wide awake in the middle of the night. but now i'm tired and really want and need to sleep, but i can't. because of this stupid cough thinger that i have!! it won't let me sleep...well really i just cough a lot when i lay down. so i sit up to cough. then lay back down. then cough again. then sit back up. get the idea? it's this big cycle...and it doesn't stop until finally my body is so exhausted that it just falls asleep. but until that point...i lay down, close my eyes, cough and sit up, practically hack up a lung, and start again. and the worst thing is when there's this tickle in my throat like i need to cough, but i can't. it's the worst feeling in the world, because it feels like any minute you're going to start suffocating because you feel like you can't breathe properly. i'm pretty sure i am breathing properly though. anyways. that's my sob story for the week. i guess i'm just...not really feeling exactly sorry for myself...just feeling a bit alone again. well not really...well maybe. ok i don't even know what i feel. except that i feel like i need a hug. thank goodness youth is tomorrow night. i'm really looking forward to it...and the rest of the weekend. some fun and relaxation...and friends. which means lots of hugs!! yay for hugs...laughter and hugs. truly the best medicine.

hey guess what...it's snowing outside! that makes me slightly happier...i love the snow. and it's really coming down. mmmm lots of snow...what could be better? except for the fact that it is cold out...and really icy...underneath the snow. interesting...i hope everyone stays safe. glad i'm not driving.

and now...i'm going to go take a nap before basketball practice.

We're Playing Basketball

we're playing basketball...insert that song here. well i think there's a song like that...whatever. space jam music. that works. haha

anyways! to the main point--today i found out that i made the jr. girls basketball team!! yay me!

hey i'm entitled to a little bit of a party...i mean, it's not everybody that makes the team.

i'm really excited...like honestly. so excited to play...which is really good, because i haven't been stoked about basketball in a long time. so this is good. exercise is good. making the team is good. i'm so excited to play...my friend kayla made it. and a bunch of other friends and stuff. the team is good. we work well together.

i'm so excited!!

sure, it starts making my life crazy busy. my life's about to get pretty hectic, and it already had a lot in it. now add in about 2 hours of basketball a day...that's a lot. but i can handle it pretty easily. i always have before. and i generally love being busy, having something to rush off to. but mainly something to look forward to.

and i'm definately looking forward to this.

Yesterday Afternoon

wow. yesterday was...well a very heated argument...

maybe i should backtrack and explain this all. so grace invited erin, steph, and me over yesterday afternoon, and she said she wanted to talk to us about some stuff. so we're like ok...we knew what it was gonna like be about and stuff so we were pretty much mentally prepared. but it was still intense...like it started out pretty easy going and everything but eventually i mean it just turned into a shouting match...there was a lot of stuff flying back and forth. insults, comments, questions, accusations...and a whole bunch of other stuff. it was crazy. after a while i just kinda gave up and was like you know what i'm not even in this and honestly just kinda let grace and steph yell at each other...which was pretty bad but in some ways i think it just needed to get out. not maybe the best way to get it out...but it got out just the same.

i'm not going to go into a whole bunch of details about what we talked about yesterday...because if you were there, you know, and it's imprinted on your memory. and if you weren't there...no offense, and i'm sorry to leave you hanging, but you probably don't need (or want!) to know. all i can say is we pretty much fought. but i think (hope!) that the worst is over and that we can go back to good...

not normal. there is no normal. but back to good...

Prayer for Tomorrow

OK JESUS I KNOW THIS IS CRAZY BUT I AM SCARED FOR TOMORROW...IT'S JUST A CHAT AND EVERYTHING I KNOW...BUT THIS IS A BIG DEAL. SAY THE WRONG THING...AND LIFE COULD GO FARTHER DOWNHILL THAN IT ALREADY IS IN THIS SITUATION. PLEASE GOD GIVE ME THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY AND THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TO SAY THEM WITH. LET ME GO WITH A OPEN MIND AND A CLEAN SLATE. GIVE ME PATIENCE AND COMPASSION...LET ME HEAR WHAT MY OTHER GIRLS HAVE TO SAY, AND GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO DEAL WITH WHATEVER WILL HAPPEN. YOU ARE MY ROCK, MY STRONG TOWER. THE RIGHTEOUS RUN TO YOU AND THEY ARE SAFE. JESUS LET THIS BE A CALM TIME, A TIME OF LISTENING, GROWTH, HEALING...BRING US BACK TOGETHER LORD. I TRUST YOU...WE TRUST YOU. I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO GIVES ME STRENGTH. I FULLY BELIEVE THIS...LORD WORK THROUGH ME, AND WORK THROUGH THE OTHERS. TAKE US AWAY FROM TOMORROW STRONGER AND BACK TOGETHER. JESUS, GIVE US STRENGTH AND THE RIGHT WORDS...LET US LEARN FROM EACH OTHER. KEEP US OPEN TO NEW PERSPECTIVES, AND GIVE US THE CONFIDENCE TO SPEAK UP AND SAY WHAT WE FEEL. BE IN THAT ROOM TOMORROW JESUS...

Youth Last Night

so youth last night was a lot of fun...i just had a really good time. i went early and hung out with the worship band until youth actually started...they were trying to learn harmonies, and robyn looks over at me and she's like "katelynn come sing melody with keith so it's stronger and becky can learn harmony with me" and i just stared at her. and i honestly think my mouth dropped to the floor. they all laughed at me...i guess i looked funny. so i had to sing a verse and chorus of indescribable...then i ran away haha. they didn't need me anymore so i was free!!! this is why i don't sing. i play. not sing.
anyways, then youth actually started, and we had worship which was great except i didn't have a mic but apparently they could hear my alright so it didn't matter. graham felt really bad about that but i didn't really care. less pressure without a mic. and i knew it would be fine. one funny thing though was that we started out with hallelujah (your love is amazing) and they changed the key!! at least, they played it in a different key than i thought we were going to play it in...so i got really confused but it was ok. and i don't think i messed up in any of the other songs so it's all good. then we had bible study...which my group is pretty awesome, and becky and jared (her boyfriend) joined our group which was really cool. becky even added some input on stuff...jared didn't really talk. i think the only thing he said was "no". it was kinda wierd. but good. we had a really good chat and it made me think and stuff

...yes it was deep enough for me haha

anyways then we went back into the hospitality center (and erika disappeared but really she just went home early because she was kinda sick and tired and stuff) and we had cookies and brownies and juice and stuff...and ben and i went insane singing "don't you put it in your mouth" and stuff and i was kinda hyper...but it was alright no one got mad at me. and i got to wear keith's cowboy boots which are pretty sweeet...i felt tall hehe. they are fun to spin on the heels of them. except i almost fell over...so then i gave them back.

then youth ended and carly, keith, erin, jeff, mylandra and i went to tim hortan's...and yeah it was alright. kind of boring once erin, jeff, and mylandra left...but ok. drive home was fun. and i'm still alive!! haha no keith is a good driver actually. he's also very protective of his car. i'm not allowed to drive it even when i do have my license. which won't be for a long time but anyways.

so yeah that was my night...i got into bed at about 1am and slept till 10 this morning, then got up and went to my sisters' basketball games. watched one and did the timer/score on the other, so that's another hour towrads my community service hours. man i'm almost done those, i only need like 3 more hours and then i'm done. easy easy easy.

so that's being caught up in katelynn's life! now i'm going to go shower...because my hair is absolutely disgusting.