Knots of Confusion, Fear, & Tension

AHHHH!!! Why does life have to be so confusing??? It's all so complicated...sometimes I just hate it and want to give it all up. But there really are things (well, mostly people I guess...) that make this life all worthwhile. But sometimes those people can be so confusing!! Or is it just me? Maybe it's just my feelings...especially considering boys. Boys...in ways you just can't stand them...but I know that I would die without them. I was thinking about it last night, and really, I don't know what I would do without my guys. I mean, sure, I've got my girls, and they're great...some of the best girls I could ask for. They're always there. But guys are less judgemental...or at least they don't voice their judgements as easily or often. But really, guys are always always there. They pick up on emotions as well as any girl, they just don't always know what to do with them! But they're always there with a smile, trying to cheer you up...or an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. And they give the best hugs...
I am me. I know my feelings. Sure, it takes me a while to figure them out...but everything I feel is genuine. I can always promise that. (plus, I never break a promise!!!)
But why do I always seem to figure things out too late?? People always tell me not to rush decisions...especially when they're important ones that involve feelings...other people's and my own.
But now what happens??? It seems that I've made a decision too late...and it is my fault. I don't blame them for not waiting for this decision of mine.
The grass is always greener on the other side...
You want what you can't have...
But I can have this!! I know I can!! Or at least, I used to be able to...
Is there still a chance? I wonder...can the pain of a year be washed away with enough TLC (tender loving care)???? And can joy and love come out of this mess of possible pain???
There's a lot of thinking to be done here...
But not by me. I know what I feel...and for once, I will openly stand by what I know to be true, and will not let other people change my feelings.
I just hope that telling people was the right decision...
Maybe I should have kept it a secret...
But I can't look back now!! That won't help. So I'll sit here...
and wait.
Even though I am in a knot of confusion, fear, and tension.
Let these three things be lifted ASAP...
You know what you need to do--
...think...
...decide...
...know...
...and let the other people know the final decision...
Pain is a way of life. Am I prepared for possible pain?

With arms wide open
under the sunlight
welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
with arms wide open
now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
with arms wide open

Lyrics from 'With Arms Wide Open' by Creed