Saturday, December 29, 2007


christmas for another year has come and gone, and i don't really care. this year i didn't even feel that excited for christmas, and to me, when christmas finally came, it just didn't feel like christmas. and i'm not sure why. i've heard that as you get older christmas just loses it's excitement and splendor, and it's just a holiday from school. maybe so. but usually i am excited for christmas, excited for the presents, the family time, the traditions. but this year i just wasn't into it. i was meh. it's strange, i've never felt that way about christmas before. but i didn't enjoy christmas the same way i that i usually do. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed christmas. i had a good time with my family and keith, and keith's family.

in some ways i hate the holidays. i just feel so tired all the time! it's probably because i'm not out and doing things, but it's still so strange. you would think that because i'm not doing much i would have more energy, energy that is all stored up. but no, that's not how it seems to be. i'm good for a few hours, and then i just randomly crash. it's so strange. hopefully the alnighter tomorrow will help! i'm so excited for it. it will be a grand time. and then new years, which apparently i am spending with keith and his family friends!? sure alright sounds good to me, let's hope katelynn doesn't make a fool of herself. ooh ooh i got a new cd today! the sherwood cd....sweet. i'm going to go listen to it now.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

EH Formal

well last night keith and i went to the formal and evan hardy, and actually it was pretty fun! the supper part was good and we had a lot of pictures taken, especially by this teacher who takes pictures for the yearbook. so i'm pretty sure that i'll be in the evan hardy yearbook. probably a couple times. and the food was decent, and the dance was fun and they actually played good music! and it was even that dirty. honestly, evan hardy dancers are cleaner than centennial dances, from what i saw. but whatever. so yeah it was a lot of fun and i don't really know what else to say. keith looked good, i looked good, i got a is wonderful! so here, you can all look at a lovely picture now...

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Random Writings from Biology

i'm not a genius
but i'm not stupid.
i'm not drop dead gorgeous
but i'm not butt ugly.
i'm not a jock
but i'm not a lazy bum.
i'm not the life of the party
but i'm not a social outcast.
i'm average.

but why me? why am i the lucky one? i wish that they were lucky too. i want them to have what i have. and yet i will not give up what i have. there is no way i could let go. but why me? what did i ever do to deserve him?

...and i want life to be fair...


in a beautiful green world,
where nature is king,
there is a castle that reigns in beauty and splendor.

inside lives a princess, whom everyone loves.
all day and all night she does as she please.
she goes for tea with her friends,
they laugh and they tease.
they trust and they tell,
sisters forever.

and she has a boy,
who has stolen her heart.
who makes her sing,
calms her fears.
who makes her laugh,
and dries her tears.
he still has the ability to give her butterflies with simply
a look or a

they all know her so well,
in their own special way.
this princess who dances,
safe and carefree.
and she goes through life with
ease that is envied.
naive and blind to the
real world
around her.

and she wishes
on rainbows
and stars and so much more.
she crosses her fingers to keep her luck strong.
but try as she might
to keep reality at bay,
she knows her fairytale can't always stay.
but when will the pixie dust fall and the palace burn?
when will the girls and the special boy go?
she doesn't know when it will all fall apart.
so until then she will live in her fairytale world.
and maybe if she wishes, ans wishes some more...
her fairytale world will never go away.


and i wish that it would never have to end...

Friday, December 07, 2007

My Favorite Fears

to the tune of "My Favorite Things" in The Sound of Music:

death to those close to me
natural disasters
fires at midnight and
burglas who prowl
people in cars who drive by with black guns
these are a few of my favorite fears

diving boards, drowning
skiing and biking
sitting alone and
waiting for others
ordering at resturaunts while they stare and smirk
these are a few of my favorite fears

shedding my mask, show
what i really feel
giving my heart out
and choosing to trust
hoping those close to me won't run away
these are a few of my favorite fears

when the dog bites
when the bee stings
these also make me scream
to counter these fears i hold
tight to my Father and then I don't feel
so scared

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Run from the Unmasked

there are times when i think
that wearing my mask is beneficial.
to myself, and to those around me.
because, really,
who wants to see all of me?
who wants to see every
in mood?
who wants to see
every thought
flash through my eyes?
but contrary to this,
i have heard that it is bad
to wear a mask.
that it is horribly hard on
to keep everything
bottled inside.
and i hear the people tell me
to let it out.
to take the cap off the bottle,
and to stop hiding what i really
think and feel.
but they are the ones
who do not want to hear.
who do now want to see the
strong one
fall apart.
and when she does,
she is left all
to be with these thoughts and feelings
that she finally let out
because people said they would be there.
and when she finally opens up
she discovers that she cannot trust,
because they all