WARNING: yes i talk about my friends in this post, and it may seem negative. but i promise you in every way, that it is not!! i love them all to death, and even as of late have been realizing how much i am blessed to have them by my side. don't feel upset if you are mentioned in a way that may seem like i am annoyed with you! i'm not. so what is the purpose of this post then? to get things out. people tell me stuff and i keep it in total confidence, often even from this blog. but it does make me wonder, and question things. so i do, on here, so you can know me better, and so that people can help me out. ok? alrighty then. let's get on to the real stuff.
wow have you ever had those times when you are just so in tune, and everybody else...well...isn't? and this isn't like last year, when i always felt off kilter with everyone, and like everyone was mad at me. no, i'm totally on the same page as my friends, we're all getting along swell.
i guess the real issue is god, in a sense. i've had some close friends questioning him lately...sometimes his existence, sometimes him, sometimes they are just not feeling very close to him. and in that sense i am way off track with them. because lately i have felt in tune with god...when you get that feeling, and you know, "this is right". you're in a groove...not a rut, a groove. you've been wondering with god, you gave it a shot, and now you're starting the dance. and as you get closer and closer, the dance gets faster, or more complicated, or more intricate. more intimate. you keep on learning.
but how do you keep dancing the dance when the people closest to you aren't dancing?
well maybe they're like a butterfly. they've been through the caterpillar stage...the initial chrisianity, the rush of faith, the feeling of god. gotta love that. but then it slows down...like a caterpillar getting ready to go into a cocoon. they don't know what they'll come out like, but they still trust god enough to lead them into this. but while they're all tightly wound up (in the human world, i guess that would be in their lives and other stuff) then they start wondering--how will i come out? can i trust god on this one? is he real? is he there? does he care? i'm just a itty bitty caterpillar (human) stuffed inside their own little cocoon (world)...how do i know he is there, and he is real?
well...that's a toughy. because we can't see god. you can't. sure, you can see the things god made--the stars, the trees, the moon, this beautiful earth, amazing humans. but you can see the other things too--the bombs, the wars, the cruelty. but wait--isn't that humans that are creating that horrible stuff, humans that are doing that?
but we are all human...and you wonder, why did god put us here; was it to just mess around and see what happens? see what kind of reaction we can get?
it's all faith.
so you wonder...and you lean on other people...and you question...and, hopefully, you will pray, and read your bible. and in the end, you come out of the cocoon, a beautiful butterfly, stronger than the caterpillar you once were, because of your trials. and then you start your own dance. and you continue on dancing, until you hit another mountain. and then (sadly) you go back to the caterpillar...and begin the cycle again.
so how can i, a current dancer, help my caterpillar friends? by doing what i tell them to do. pray and read my bible, lean on others when i need it. it's just what mike's been talking about--the body of christ.
just keep on dancing, and pull others into the dance. it's a web of dancers. and we're all connected.
a beautiful web...
...of butterfly dancers.
does this post make any sense at all? i don't know. i wrote it late last night...and reading it over, it makes sense to me. but that's me, and i'm insane. so hopefully it makes some amount of sense.
but then again, this post was for me to get things out. and it makes sense to me. so that's all that matters!