Monday, January 29, 2007

Incredibly Indescribable

the. retreat. was. amazing.

can i describe it better than that? if you were was incredible. it's so hard to explain all of what happened. and i was going to try...but i think that i won't. i don't know how, and even if i could find words...the words would not be able to do it justice. so sorry, but this is one of those memories that will have to stay in my head. i can say, however, that some people talked to me and payed me compliments and other stuff like that. so that i will put here. because i was oh-so-blessed by what these people said to was incredible!

graham--> you are beautiful. there is so much potential in you. keep going. you're like a flower. never let a guy get closer than GOD, because the guy is not worth it. be careful in life.

anthony--> you are GOD's girl. guard your heart. promise me that. guard your heart.
steph--> you are an amazing person. you are such a leader, and you know exactly who you are, and taht shines through.
mike--> you are awesome, and vital to the youth group. you are flexible and not judgemental at all. keep it up, the youth group needs you.

Friday, January 26, 2007


woot woot, finals are OVER! yes! finally! a whole week of finals...done done done! awesome! actually i didn't have a very stressful week...all my finals were really easy. i have a hard semester coming up, though. oh well, i should be fine as long as i keep up and pay attention.
now it's off to the retreat, for a weekend of partying!! haha well maybe not quite...but close enough. hopefully i'll be able to get some good retreat memories up here when i get back.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Being Looked Up To

Dance still dancing on cloud nine! (oh and the picture is of dancing appropriate! haha)

yesterday a someone to someone, today a hero that is looked up to...GOD has blessed me these last two days by showing me that i am special, and that i am important to people in this world! you heard all about my being someone to someone yesterday, today you get to hear about being looked up to! and i have to say...another awesome feeling that i have the privilege of feeling! so here's my story:

i was at AWANA tonight (a kid's club at my church) and the kids are absolutely adorable. they look up at you with these big adoring eyes, and they almost always have grins on their faces...but ok that's a bit of a sidenote.
anyways, i was at AWANA, well actually, it had just finished. and one of the girls, Ellen, she wanted me to come out with her and help her find her mommy (i babysit for her, so she knows me well). and i went out there with her to find her mom, and her brother and sister were also there. and her younger sister Bethany, who is 4, ran up to me and was like "katelynn"!!! and like grabbed my legs and gave me a big how could i resist, i picked her up and gave her a big hug back! so then Ellen gets jealous that i'm holding Bethany, and she's like "katelynn hold me now"!!! so i had to put Bethany down and pick up Ellen...but i don't mind. i love hanging out with these two darlings...they are so sweet. and their brother Gabriel is such a nice guy...a sweet kid. They all are.
but anyways. the part that made me feel so special...while i was holding Ellen, she whispers in my ear, "i love you katelynn"! and gives me a people tell me they love me all the time, like my friends and stuff...but there's something special about those little words coming from an innocent child.
and when i had to leave, they were all sad, and waving and were like bye, we'll miss you! and then their mom told them that i was coming over tomorrow night to babysit, and that i was bringing my violin to play for them! and you should've seen their faces light up...ahhh i love little kids! the little darlings...can't wait for tomorrow night so i can go hang out with them!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Being Someone

i mean the world to someone.

Ok well maybe not that extreme, maybe not the whole world...but there is somebody in this world who actually apprectiates me, who likes me just as i am...and i made a difference in their life! if you have never felt this feeling before, i sincerly hope you feel it, because it is amazing! to know that you made a difference in someone's that's all i have to say. talk about cloud nine...i might be there the rest of the week! or at least until my violin lesson tonight. haha.

anyways. on with the story. i would love to explain the whole thing, but out of respect of privacy i won't go into too many details. let's just say that i have a friend who had a hard couple years, friends wise. and i, not knowing any of this, was a friend...and showed this friend that you don't have to change for anyone, and that people will still love you just as you are. showed the friend that there are people out there who are like you, who will understand you and love you when you're at your best, and at your worst.

it was incredible for me to amazing. especially because this friend had a similar effect on me; i just didn't know they had struggled with issues in previous years.

it's nice to know that somebody out there cares, and that they think about me. nice to know that you are appreciated.

to be someone to someone. to mean the world to someone, to be held dear to someone's heart other than your grandparents, haha. but be someone. just makes me want to be the best person i can be...

Thursday, January 18, 2007


notice the double question marks...because it's a bigger question!
and here it is, the million dollar question...

WHO AM I? (or who is me if you want to make it really sound like the last post...)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007



that's what i've been wondering lately. what i'm trying to figure out right now. i always me?

Monday, January 15, 2007

Changed My Mind

ok i know i have done this lots in the past and it annoys the crap outta people. but i changed my mind. i'm not playing club volleyball. i've been thinking about it a lot this past's been on my mind more than anyone knows. but it's been there, quietly sitting and making me think about it. and i gave it a lot of thought, and thought about the committment that it meant making...and i didn't want to make that committment. it involves a practice every week and who knows how many tournaments. and it doesn't seem like a lot...but it is. those tournaments take up a whole weekend. and there was a good chance that practice would be during worship practice...and i would rather do worship band than volleyball. seems crazy, doesn't it? but worship was my first committment, and my first priority. in fact, youth group is a big priority for me right now. i throw a lot into that group of people...and i wouldn't change it for anything. i also didn't want to play because i have a busy semester next hardest classes, science and math 20. and the second semester of history. even though basketball is ending and i would technically have more time...i didn't want to do it. i didn't want to commit to another team where i would be attending practices when i didn't want to be there, when i couldn't spend time with the most important people in my life--my friends--because i had volleyball.
my dad and i had a spat about it...he's really disappointed, and even as i write this is trying to convince me to go. my mom just said it was my choice. my dad got mad at me for copping out, for quitting. "you were having such a good time last week, and now you just quit? you were fine this semester, you'll be fine next! if you don't go, you won't be spending time with your friends anyways!" that's what he said. but i didn't enjoy myself last week. i really didn't. i just kept wondering what time it was, and how soon it would be over...
you know, sometimes i feel pressured to play volleyball (and even basketball) because it's what my family has played.
and i talked to my mom about it...actually my dad called her and then she had a chat with me over the phone...and for like the first time in my life i actually cried in front of my parents...well ok it was over the phone to my mom, but still! and she was like why don't you want to play, and i just kept saying "i just don't want to play, i don't want to play". and you know sometimes i think i just play volleyball because everybody wants me to. i only tried out for junior volleyball because my mom wanted me to. granted, i had a great time and loved it, but what if i don't love it? i'm tired of doing things for other people, i want to do things for me. doesn't mean i'll never play volleyball again, because i really do love volleyball...i just want to play for me. not for anyone else. just for me.
after i got off the phone from my mom, i actually had a big, sobbing cry with myself in my closet...and it felt really good. i haven't had a sobbing cry in so long...usually my crying is just like being really sad and having tears running down my cheeks. but this was a uncontrollable much that i thought my dad might hear me, so i had a shower and cried in the shower...that always helps.
anyways that's my story.

yeah i stole all my pictures from grace...apparently they remind her of'd never know why ...haha yeah right! these are me to a T

Saturday, January 13, 2007


Funny Phrases do i talk too much? last night coming home from youth, my friend's brother was making fun of me, saying that i just can't shut my mouth. that it's impossible for me to be quiet. it all started when my friend's dad came to pick us up from youth...i probably shouldn't have, but i frantically ran around quickly saying good-bye to everyone. i had to, i just can't leave without saying good-bye! besides, i knew that they would kill me if i didn't say good-bye to them. my friend's came back to the door..."katelynn, hurry up!" and i was like ok i'm coming...and i looked around, because i knew i was missing someone to say good-bye to. carly came up to me and she's like "did you say good-bye to keith?" and i was like crap no where is he? and he was in the prop room...way far away. and i was like well maybe i'll just have to call him later and say sorry i really had to go. but that's when i realized i had his cell phone in my pocket...i had to go find him and give it to him, he'd shoot me if i didn't say good-bye AND i left with his cell phone. so there i go frantically running through the church giving him his cell phone back and coming back out...and my friends are there again and they're like we gotta go kayla's dad is pissed! so we're like frantically running outside and i get in their vehicle and her dad and brother start right in on me...kind of in a joking way, but with an underlying meaning in that i just can't stop talking! and they didn't seem to understand that i had to return the cell phone, i couldn't keep it. and then they're all well why did you have it in the first place, it's a church, you're not supposed to steal! ad then her brother was like you know i don't think she can shut up, i bet she can't keep her mouth closed the rest of the way home. and just because i wanted to prove it, i kept my mouth shut. didn't say a word, didn't even laugh...until we got to my street where they were asking me questions and i was just to annoyed to care so i started talking a mile a minute again, and they're like oh she's trying to fit in all those words...and then it was thanks for the ride good-bye! and good ridance...maybe it was just my mood and ryan's mood clashing, but i don't think i have ever been so annoyed with him. probably shouldn't have let it get to me, but i did. i already had other things on my mind and all this crap wasn't helping. but it kind of did make me i actually talk too much?

Monday, January 08, 2007

Volleyball Tryouts #1

so sunday afternoon was the first of two volleyball tryouts for me...yes i decided to try out for club volleyball. there are about 57 girls trying out, and i'm not exactly sure how many people will make it, it depends on how many coaches they can get. the tryout went ok...i know that how i did wasn't my best...i felt very off. and maybe it's because i was mega uncomfortable...i didn't know anyone there (well i guess i knew two girls names but it's not like we're friends or i'm even very comfortable talking with them) and everyone seemed so much better than me...i think it's more a mind over matter thing. so i'm going back next week with a fresh mind and hopefully a better week than this.

on a basketball note...we play against holy cross tomorrow...and no that's not an invitation to come watch...because holy cross is in the top three teams in the city...they might be number one, i'm not exactly sure on the rankings. i just know they are amazing!!! and we will most likely get our butts royally handed to us...or it could be amazing and we could actually pull off a semi-good game. well i'll just try to do my best and that's all i can really hope for. as long as i'm putting in 100+% then hopefully it will pay off and the rest of my team will follow. woot woot go team!

Saturday, January 06, 2007


i just finished a volleyball camp...and it was actually pretty good. still can't get my overhand serve...i need just THIS much more! (imagine me holding up two fingers about an inch apart)...i need just a little more power and a teeny bit more height, and i'd be set! but no such luck--yet. parents really want me to play club volleyball and tryouts start tomorrow. my dad filled out the tryout form and everything...he's literally going to force me to try out. but i'm not sure if i want to...i mean, i know i'd have fun, and i know it would be good for me, and i do love to play volleyball....but i don't know if i want to play. it's all tournaments. which means i could be gone a lot of weekends, or just here playing in tournaments a lot of weekends, depending on how many tournaments the team chose to go to. and the thing that is really making my that i don't want to be missing youth and church all the time. i know it sounds kind of wierd...but i love youth, and church is a pretty close second. i love it because i feel GOD there...and ok i admit it, i love it because my friends are there too. but i love youth...i love the feeling i get there...i love it because there i am me...just me. (usually)...

so i don't know what to decide. i just don't know.

Friday, January 05, 2007


i just sent 10 strange and random and crazy questions to a few friends via e-mail...wierd questions like what they like about me and so forth. i don't really know was just really bothering me as i laid in bed. and i just couldn't sleep, and couldn't get this off my mind...maybe myself telling me that i care about what other people think too much? i don't know. what i do know is that it's late and my eyes hurt, a sure sign that i'm supposed to be upstairs in bed because my body is tired. but my mind won't settle down...i couldn't put myself into a little hole and zone out. i couldn't. it's bothering me. and i have a song stuck in my head...and i don't even know what it's called...don't even know any of the words except for like three of them...anyways about that random e-mail. i actually hope people read it and send it will be interesting to see what the people say. i'm curious. i want that back now. but i know it will take a few days.

i'm reading the book "saint" by ted is very interesting. i'm over 100 pages in, and the plot just keeps thickening and thickening...there's always one more surprise left. i'm not done, and already i reccommend it...just like i reccommend all his other books. but if you are going to read this one...make sure you read "showdown" first. they are connected a lot...even though "showdown" was hard to get into (for me personally) you need to read it to understand "saint"...and i say that and i'm not even done "saint". anyways. read ted dekker. he's good.

p.s.--song is called "three days later" by fm static...keith's favorite song, got it stuck in my head while i was in his car. at least i know the song now...wish i had it on cd so i could listen to it and then get it out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


have you ever heard people talk about that high that you can get from phsyical activity?? you know, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded, adrenaline rushing, you're up to bat, and you hit a home use a baseball analogy. but really i mean there is something amazing about physical activity...aka sports. i love them! and i am just realizing how much of a high--or adrenaline rush or whatever you want to call it--you can actually get. it's amazing! and i missed it. when i was playing basketball everyday last year year (that sounds wierd--aka 2006 for those of you who didn't catch on) i didn't really realize it...well i realized that i was happy and tired and life was going great and everything. but you don't really realize how much of that you really crave...until you stop for a while, and then get back into it. and going back to playing basketball this week has been pretty darn awesome, if i do say so myself. sure, i've been tired because i was out of shape and tired from staying up late and then had to run and chase a ball, but there's such a rush! i love being out there...i really do. and it helps that i've got a great team. seriously, the girls on my team are pretty amazing! we just have a grand time joking and fooling around and teasing each other. i love sports....for all the pain and misery they can put you in, they sure pay off! i'm even somewhat sad to be missing practice tomorrow to go play settlers of catan...wait! did i just say that? that i would rather play basketball than settlers of catan? well, i'm not sure if i would...i do know that i will miss not being at practice tomorrow. but i am really looking forward to a good game of settlers of catan, and maybe watching a movie...and catching a nap if i end up staying up real late tonight. which is very possible. and then friday and saturday for my volleyball will be good to get back at volleyball. i'm thinking about playing senior next would be hard, but very fun. i love my coach, and we have a pretty good team. we had a good time this past year.

i love holidays. and i'm loving them so much more, now that i am finally in a good mood and am happy with myself and life!

although....i am kind of looking forward to getting back to school!