Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
hey everybody! i don't know why it is underlined like this, and don' t know how to change it! sorry! haha
anyways, i am home alone and quite insane so that's all i really have to say.
look! i fixed it! (don't know how that works...)
anyways i wanted to post so here it is--
wow isn's this post just really flashy?? i like it!
ok so YC is tomorrow and i am totally psyched!! so i will post after i get back all about YC.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
ughh...why is there a radio playing?? where am I? 5:50am??? why is this alarm going off...?? oh yeah. breakfast. band trip. kayla...ashley...caitlin...time to get up. let's get dressed, call the guys, and go...before i fall asleep again.
so that was tuesday morning. and at 6am, we called the guys--hey, coming for breakfast? ok we'll meet you down there in like 2 minutes. yeah. we went down for breakfast. i had half a bagel. then finally, about 20 minutes later, breakfast was done. we trekked back up to our room, and sat down. kayla and ashley decided to go back to bed, but caitlin and i decided to stay up. we called random rooms to find out if anyone else was up, but they were all asleep. so we just kinda wandered the halls and looked for someone to talk to. finally, and about 6:40am, richard came out. he was dressed and ready to go down for breakfast, so caitlin and i went with him. that was our 2nd breakfast. i had another half of a bagel. so then we went back upstairs with richard. we went into his room where 2 guys were sleeping and logan was in the shower...we were trying to find some of the fudge that logan had promised me, okay?? nothing bad. we never saw anything. we didn't get any fudge, either. so then we went back to the room. i decided to sit in the hall because it was cooler out there. thn, suddenly, i saw logan and richard get into the elevator for breakfast! so i ran down the hall, jumped in through the doors of the elevator...and got stuck. and of course, them being guys, they didn't help me. i had to push the doors out of my way all by myself.
so much for gentlemen.
so we went down for breakfast number three. i had some juice and a couple bites of logan's bagle. and richard was having difficulty sreading the cream cheese on his bagel "because it was melting" so i had to do it for him.
haha. uncapable men.
so then back upstairs we go. and then who do we see? sean! ok, breakfast time for sean! back downstair for breakfast number four!! wow this has to be some sort of record or something...so yeah this time i just had juice. good old apple juice. yummy. ok so after a very long breakfast, i went back upstairs and hung out in sean's room with him and justin and shelton and caitlin and ashley...and it was kinda boring. we were all just sitting on the beds and stuff because we were all so exhausted. and then finally one of the chaperones came by and was like "time to pack up guys" so i went back to my room and packed all my stuff up...and got dressed finally. i had been walking around in pajamas. :) yeah so then caitlin and i were done packing and just lying around when sean came in with his bag and yeah he helped me pick out what to wear. ha. and then i got another massage...magic fingers!
so anyways we finally got our butts downstairs to--yes, you guessed it--load the bus. it was funny cuz everyone was super tired and we're all just toally dragging around. yeah so it was a half hour drive the school for the band clinic, and sean sat beside me and fell asleep!! and when we got the school i had to wake him up...no easy task! but it was done. then we had to unload all the equipment and everything...ugghhh.
the band clinic was good. i learned a lot, but who wants to hear about what i learned from that?? haha it wasn't all that important. the next important thing was lunch! yes! pizza and pop! what could be better?? we pretty much had the school to ourselves because the students were in class. kayla and i took a walk with our pizza and met some guys who said they woud give us the rest of their drink for a slice of pizza...we said no because they wouldn't pay us!!
so back on the bus we got...and by this time it was super hot out! as we walked back to the bus, i realized that i still had my diet coke with me, and that i couldn't bring it on the bus. so sean chugged it. that was funny. he made a mess when he spit some of it back up.
on the drive to the science center/imax, once again, sean fell asleep. in case you were wondering, he slept on my shoulder. this happened a lot on the trip.
and no, i don't have feelings for the guy. he has a girlfriend!! he's just a good friend.
ok, now that we have that cleared up, on with the show! where were we...
oh yes! the science center. not much to report there. caitlin, sean, and i just wandered around. nothing special. although we did decide that we were going to go on a hot air ballon ride one day. and i almost fell asleep on a bench. so then we went to the imax. we were seeing "mystic india"...and it was pretty good. at least, what i saw of it was. you see, we were in a dark theatre, in really comfy chairs, and we were all sup tired...so most of us slept. yes, sean slept on my shoulder. a lot of other people slept too. it was funny.
but shush, don't tell the band teachers, they don't know that we slept during it. haha.
ok. after the imax, we drove home. whoopee. basically, the gist of it is that sean and i slept on each other--
haha how bad does that sound--
so yeah that's basically the band trip.
ok yeah i know it wasn't that detailed...at least not this part. but the whole story is basically that i slept! ha!
THE END (the second time)
Thursday, May 18, 2006
wow i feel like i haven't been on here forever! and in a sense, that is true. because i haven't posted in over a week, and last week i was posting like everyday. but that was because my life was so crazy and drama filled, and this week it has been kinda boring. well, at least these last two days have been. on monday and tuesday i was on a band trip...and man, was that fun! i really need to write about everything from that trip...just so i don't forget! so ok, i will try. here goes...
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
i know that steph and i will be tight forever. we have an amazing bond that has withstood 5 years. and that included a fight where we like hated each other's guts. it's endured crushes and stupid misunderstandings and jealousy. me and steph, we are inseperable. attached at the heart and mind, both daughters in Christ forever. together forever, in this life and the next.
kayla and i have been friends for 4 years, super close for the last 2. we are attached at the hip. we go everywhere together. kayla and i are so much alike, it's crazy! we like the same things, think the same way, have the same fashion style...we have an amazing understanding of life and each other. we're going to be close forever, we have to be. losing her would be like losing a part of me.
caitlin and i have been friends for 7 years...the longest. but we have never been overly tight. we've always been friends, but never as close as i have been with either kayla or steph. maybe that is why kayla, steph and me always seem to be "against" caitlin. we don't mean to, but steph, kayla and i are so close...the three amigos. sure, we love caitlin. i can't even imagine what i would do if something happened to her. caitlin is the academic, athletic one. the perfect one.
how far can we make it?
make it or break it, right?
friendship takes work and committment and love and support.
life today was crazy. kayla and steph and i decided that this whole deal with caitlin needed to be solved. and so we decided to talk to her. steph had to go drive, so me and kayla talked to her near the end of lunch. and i don't want to give too many details, cuz it's still hard for me to comprehend what went on. not that it was horrible, but it wasn't good either. it was bad, and heated, and ugly...well let's just say that by the time we went inside and the bell rang, i was about ready to cry. thank goodness i didn't. but i really wanted to just skip fourth, find someone who would skip with me, and just leave and talk and cry and hide.
how horrible am i...i just feel like such a horrible person lately.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
seriously though, if you are really interested in how my life has changed since my last post (yesterday) then read on...
ok. so i talked to some people about sean, and sean and i talked. and he never meant for that to happen, like, for the whole "going for morgan through katelynn" thing. whew! it was such a relief for me to hear that! i had never thought sean would be a person to do that...im so glad that he's not like that. he really is a great guy.
now, because of all this, sean is not gonna ask me out. because he was thinking about it or whatever, it leaked to like one person, and all this crap went down. so he's calling the whole thing off because life goes wierd when people try to ask me out. ha. funny.
i have mixed feelings about that. in some ways, i had kinda wanted sean to ask me out--just for the thrill of it. besides, sean is a great guy, a guy with lots of great qualities. he'd be an awesome boyfriend. besides, i had liked him earlier in the year, and it was only because of recent issues that i didn't like him now. exactly. but you know, when you find out someone likes you, you sometimes just can't help but liking them...yeah it's confusing i know.
but at the same time, i am glad that he didn't ask me out. im really glad we sorted this all out...but i think it's a good thing that he didn't end up asking me out. because i would have had to say no. i just knew it wasn't a good time...i promised myself (and people are holding me accountable to this) that i wouldn't date again until i was 16--the age my parents have set as a rule (im still trying to change it haha). and plus...as hard as it is to say again...i really want a chrisitan guy. im not limiting myself...but definately going for christian guys first. because they understand...at least, most do. and i think in the end it would be better that way.
GOD's got a guy all picked out for me...i just wish i knew who he was!!
so my other problem...a new one that started today. well actually maybe it started a long time ago...i don't know. let's see if i can try to figure this out...
steph, kayla, caitlin and i have all been close friends since grade 5. we've been through a lot together, and im pretty sure that nothing will break us four apart. but...
everyone says that high school is all about making new friends and having the time of your life, right? i agree with that. all four of us do. and we've all made other close friends...except for caitlin. oh yeah sure, she's got friends, im not saying she's a loser, cuz she's definately not! but she hasn't made the close friends like the rest of us have. which isn't good...sometimes i get the impression that we're all she has. but that's off topic.
so late last week, steph and i had decided to go out for lunch today with some of our youth friends. caitlin and kayla, being out of drivers ed for a little while, were just gonna hang out. apparently they had plans to go to the mall or something. i never knew about those plans. and apparently neither did kayla, because she made plans to go out for lunch with a guy (kelly if you want to know his name). maybe caitlin just assumed we were all going to the mall, maybe we all just forgot, i don't know.
anways, today at break caitlin asks kayla if we're going to the mall for lunch. and kayla says that steph and i were going with youth friends and she was going out with kelly. and cait asks if she can go with kayla and kelly, but kayla says that they just want to be alone. (it would be really awkward if cait went because kayla and kelly are pretty much going out and caitlin likes him...whole other story). so yeah we all go our seperate ways. and when i come back from lunch, i hear that caitlin just totally broke down at lunch and started bawling and that some of the guys were trying to comfort her and that she was sick and tired of being ditched all the time.
now, as usual, i have mixed feelings about this. on the one hand, i think that yes, we were sort of mean, and that we should have planned our schedules better so that we weren't all leaving her. or somehow incorperated her into our plans. on the other hand, i think she over-reacted--crying is a bit extreme. now, we've always kinda had problems with ditching caitlin (mostly accidental) or she just feels alone. but it takes her a long, long time to tell us--if she ever does. usually we find out though other people or clue in ourselves. and i know it must sound like we're totally un-sensitive and can't even pick up on our friend's feelings--but caitlin is a master of hiding what she truly thinks!
so basically i think that kayla, steph and i should be more considerate, and that caitlin should be more open with us about what we do that bugs her--she's allowed to freak on us!! i don't think it will break us up. we've endured fights before. no biggie. i also kinda think she should make some other friends...but that's not for me to determine. so im just gonna leave it at that.
whew! glad that's all out. it was a rough day!
Monday, May 08, 2006
okay so here's the sitch:
morgan is going out with justin. sean likes morgan. sean wants to go out with morgan, but morgan wants to go out with justin (or possibly another guy but that's a whole other story). so now sean is telling people that he likes me and that he wants to go out with me. and apparantly he's gonna ask me out.
now here's where things get really trippy.
morgan and kayla and i were talking about this today, and we think we've figured out what is really going on. we think that sean is just trying to go out with me to make morgan jealous or something so that she will break up with justin and go out with sean. after she dumps justin, sean will dump me, and they will go out. sean gets what he wants, morgan gets a boyfriend that will do stuff with her, and justin and i get broken hearts.
but that's where sean goes wrong.
we have figured out his plan. and if he goes with it like we think he will, then it's not gonna work out. because if he asks me out, im gonna say no. which i was gonna say anyways (im sticking to this not dating till im allowed--although i will admit that i had some second thoughts and kinda wanted to go out with him...anyways that's a different story...). and im really hoping that morgan won't dump justin unless she really doesn't like him...but mostly im hoping that she won't go out with sean. because morgan and i are pretty close...and im hoping that she would never do something like that. sean is trying to use me to get morgan...which is horrible! in fact, like if this is what he's tyring to do, i don't even know how i can be friends with him...i mean, sure im still gonna be friends with him. but it gives me a whole new opinion and view of him.
i actually hope that all of this is not true and im just making it all up...because i never would've seen sean doing something like this. and i think it hurts more to see sean doing something like this than it actually would to have him dump me if i went out with him.
oh, the life of a niner...it's so hard!!
stupid grade nine...stupid relationships...stupid boys...
the one that i am trusting completely and fully right now is GOD...as close as i am with my friends, they could be fickle (i can't believe im saying that!!). but they are only human...but GOD is perfect, GOD is unchangable, GOD gives unconditional love...
i guess i will just have to be remembering that as i go through this week.
GOD THIS IS GOING TO BE HARD. PLEASE JUST MAKE YOURSELF KNOWN AT MY SIDE, AND DON'T LET ME FALL. HOLD ME CLOSE, JESUS. HOLD ME VERY CLOSE...
Saturday, May 06, 2006
so i guess now i have a job--being a full-time participant in god's amazing race of life.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
THANKS FOR A GREAT DAY, GOD!! YOU TOTALLY LIFTED MY SPIRITS!!
Monday, May 01, 2006
well, another wonderful day at school. HA! NOT!
i mean, shcools all right, but it's not THAT great. sure, it's something to do. time consuming.
i think it's just the people.
now im a social person, and i say that i got to schoolf or the people. which is generally true. but, well, lately ive felt really out of it. in but out. heard but not listened to. noticed but not seen.
it's taken me a long time to figure out that im invisible. and it hurts. im not sure if it's my fault or just the way it is. or maybe im just making something up that isn't even there.
i don't feel invisible at youth. and maybe that's why im so hyper and talkative tehre--because im finally being seen, finally being heard, finally receiving attention.
wow that sounds bad. i sound like i just want attention. but everybody needs some amount of attention--i must not be meeting my given quota. and it's not like i cut myself or anything like that for attention. i can live without attention. im almost positive of that.
but im a social person. i can't live without people, without my firneds.
sometimes i wonder if they actually are my frieds. most of the time i don't let myself doubt their friendship to me, but sometimes i have to wonder. would they leave me if something better came along? what can i do to make them like me, to fit in our little group like everyone else?
whoa how shallow of me is it to think about fitting in? about being like everyone else?
but really i don't want to be just like everyone. i want to be unique, a girl loving GOD, a girl loving her friends, and a girl whose friends love her back.
just for who she is.
that's something i wrote today at school, and i really don't know why. most of the time my friends aren't that bad...they're good people. i don't know...i think maybe im just making this all up. oh well, tomorrow is another day...a new start.
and if anyone out there cares...pray for me. even though i feel so close to GOD right now...i fear that this may be a time when i am desperately challenged.
1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep
6. You mean the world to someone
7. If not for you, someone may not be living
8. You are special and unique
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them