Wednesday, May 31, 2006


ok. so we were supposed to be at the church at 8:30am, so that we could leave at 9am. of course, it being ebenezer and all, we didn't end up leaving until about 9:30am. no biggie, we had allotted for extra time. so we all (ebenezer and diefenbaker drive, about 28 of us in total) piled into three 15-seater vans (and lyn's car). i was in the van dubbed "white christmas" and was on the front bench between coltan and kevin.
what can i say, i was the last one in the van.
anyways, the trip was going pretty sweet. we stopped at this one place (i don't remember where it was)for gas or oil or something and we weren't allowed out of the van. kent and leon, who were travelling in lynette's car, were allowed out.
lucky ducks.
so when they came by to make fun of us because we weren't allowed out, i begged skittles off kent. then we decided that we wanted to all switch seats, so we opened the doors and switched seats. so now i was in the very back bench with kevin and keith. yeah it was fun. i did keith's hair in mini french braids. they were pretty hott if i do say so myself! (ha, there keith, do you feel special now that you are mentioned?? lol)
eventually we made it to lloydminster, the so-called half-way point. we stopped for lunch, where i had subway along with a bunch of other people. i also had my first taste ever of booster juice--which i mooched off kent and leon. grace had bought 80 mini pixie sticks and we (grace, steph and i) were standing around talking with kent and leon and eating pixie sticks. then the sponsors came up to us. "guys, we have some bad news", they said. mike's van had broken down, and we couldn't continue to drive it to edmonton. so we had two options. look around for another vehicle to rent, or see if emmanual had room on their bus for 8 passengers. luckily, emmanual had room and was more than willing to take some of our stranded passengers. so some girls from diefenbaker went on the bus. i was now in a differnt van, sitting with steph and grace in the very back. my cousin and her friends were also in the van.
it was an interesting second half of the trip.
anyways, not much to talk about the trip. next interesting thing that happened was getting to edmonton. we drove around and got into rexall place. everytime we stopped, for a light or stop sign or something, both vans would start rocking.
rocking vans is fun!
so when we got to rexall place, we had to wait for the car, and we were just kinda hanging out while some of the sponsors went to go register us and get us our actual tickets and wristbands. and we decided, "hey, wouldn't it be fun to go on the top of the 15-passenger van?" so we tried. but anthony wouldn't let us. joel wanted to let us, but he was under strict orders from anthony not to let us up the ladder.
"but if you guys go up the front, where im not looking, then i wouldn't be able to stop you, would i?"--joel
so we climbed up the hood of the van. and sat in the roofrack thing on the top. it was kinda creepy being so high up. and it was really scary getting down! i had difficulties with that. i can get up things fine, but i have so much trouble getting down.
so once we had our tickets and wristbands and everything, we all wandered around just looking at like buildings and stuff and trying to associate stuff with stuff so that we hopefully would not get lost.
ha. janelle told me that if i was afraid to get lost, to hold kevin or kent's hand. ha.
so then we went out to supper, to this little resturaunt across the street from rexall place. we ordered in tables, and my table had pizza and ceasar salad and garlic toast.
mmm...that was good food.
while we were waiting for our food, our table (lynette, steph, grace, and i) were just talking about wierd things that we can do. and lyn showed us that she can do this really wierd thing called lazy eye. and she said it was really easy, so she taught the three of us how to do it. it's pretty sweet, and apparently i'm good and it's really creepy when i do it. my friend took a movie of me doing it, so i guess i'll be able to see what i look like. anyways after we ate and paid, we went outside. while some people were still inside paying, i was outside with a bunch of people. kent was balancing on these little wooden pole things, and i was like "wow kent that's pretty amazing, you can balance on that". but i said it sarcastically, cuz it looked really easy to balance. so he's like "oh well if it's so easy then why don't you try, i bet you can't". so i went over there and stood on this wooden thing with one foot and balanced...and fell off.
don't worry i didn't land on my face. just me feet.
so then he was like laughing at me because i couldn't balance. so i tried again. and this time i got it. but he didn't see it. so i had to do it again. this time he saw it, and was like "ok you can do it good job".
but then he goes over to these red poles. and these are actually like metal poles, and they came up to about chest height on me. so he pulls himself up onto the first one, balances with one foot on the top, then hops to the next one, the next one, he next one, and hops off. "ha, bet you can't do that", he says to me. so, of course, i have to try. i walk over there. but i have no idea how to get up, because i didn't see him get up. so i'm like "how in the world do you get up here, do you just jump?" and i was thinking that i might have to get someone to lift me up, but that would be hard because these poles are tall and skinny, and i'm tall too, so it would be really hard to lift me onto one of these poles. so kent shows me how he got up--he put one foot on the top of the pole, and his hands around the pole, just below is foot, and hoisted himself off the ground, and used the strength of one leg to pull himself up to standing height.
ok, looks easy enough.
but it's not! once i got my foot on the top of the pole, and my hands around, i could pull myself off the ground. but now i was stuck in a crouching position on top of this pole, but i couldn't stand up! so basically i was stuck. grace came around in front of me and grabbed me hand, to give me some leverage to help me up. and that was the right idea. but i was kinda scared about going so high, and i didn't have the right balance yet, so i almost fell over. thankfully a bunch of people were watching me and made sure i didn't fall off. so i was back down on the ground. and kent says i have to try again. i need to get this. and i wanted to do this. i had to prove that i could do it. it was a challenge, a competition, and i couldn't just back out. so i put my foot back up, and once again, was stuck on the top of the pole. but this time people were encouraging me, telling me what to do. "now just pull yourself up, use your leg muscles", but im saying that i have none! and i really don't. i wasn't strong enough to pull myself to a standing position. so finally kent comes around in front of me and pulls me up. now he could do this for me because he's pretty strong, and he's also really tall so that helped. so now i was standing on top of the pole, still holding on to kent's hand for dear life. because let me tell you, i was pretty high up. that pole must have been about five feet, and then add my height to my head was about 10 feet off the ground! and im looking down at all these people and im like "it's so high!" that's why i was still grabbing people's hands. so then i was holding two peoples hands (i don't even remember whose hands they were) and i actually jumped from pole to pole!! it was pretty amazing...everyone was pretty impressed with me.
haha yeah right. i wish.
but at least i proved to kent that i could do it! that's the important part.
so yeah anyways after this whole deal we walked back to rexall place to wait for them to open the doors so that YC could be begin and whatnot. and while we were waiting, lynette taught us another cool thing. i like to call it the stalker walk, but anyways, it's this really wierd thing where you walk right behind a person. and when i say right behind, i mean like you step exactly with them and you are about a cm apart. it's cool. i did all weekend because lyn said i should practice, and people started getting really annoyed with me. (just another thing i do to annoy ya, steph!) i also got some of the pixie candy from grace's pixie sticks in my pocket. how? leon stuck a half eaten pixie stick in my pocket upside down...only i didn't know that it was still half full! so finally the doors to rexall place opened. we went in, walked around and saw all the booth thingers, and found our seats. i also got a piggyback ride from leon.
yeah. a piggyback ride on leon through oober crowded halls at rexall place. not exactly the smartest thing to do, but it kinda cleared the hallways for the rest of our group! ha it was fun to see the looks on people's faces.
anyways then YC started. they welcomed us, then Tree 63 came and played some worhsip music for us and we all sang along and whatnot. and then the speaker, miles mcpherson came up. and let me just say, wow, is he ever amazing! i loved him! he was an amazing speaker. really interesting to listen to. at the end of his little session thing, he did kind of like a huge altar call, and just prayed the new believer prayer and invited people to invite Jesus into their hearts. and wow i was so happy when keith stood up! i wasn't really sure if he had become a christian or anything (he hadn't, i found out later), but i knew that for him to stand up that meant that he was seriously thinking about it and that he was a step closer. it almost made me cry, because so many people that i knew and that i had been praying for stood up. it was really moving. then audio adrenaline came out and played for like an hour and that was a really good concert. those guys are lots of fun to listen to. it was a good ending to friday of YC.
but wait! the night wasn't over...not yet. not nearly.
we were staying at this chinese church. it was pretty sweet. the girls were in two rooms upstairs, and the guys were in a room off the sanctuary and down a hall and yeah that's a pretty good description. basically, guys and girls were on opposite ends of the church. so basically, once we got there (we had to leave the guys at rexall place and send a van back for them), we had to un-load the van! and you all know how i hate un-loading. but i helped, and it actually went really fast because everyone had packed so lightly. no heavy music boxes to carry!! so yeah once we had everything un-loaded, i went upstairs and changed into pj's, a tank top, and leanne's big huge sweater (we had to wear at least a t-shirt or sweater with the guys around, no tank tops plain allowed!) and i really had to pee, so i ran down the stairs and almost hit some guys (sorry!) and pretty much fell down the stairs into the bathroom.
that was funny.
so after i finally got to the bathroom i went to the gas station across the street and bought chocolate milk and this ooze tube thing. they were so good!! wow. yeah so when we were going to the gas station i kept saying garbage...and like i didn't even mean to!! i was like "oh yeah leanne's not coming with us to the garbage can" and then everyone laughed at me. and then someone was like "why isn't leanne coming?" and i said "she's got her own garbage bags" and yeah everyone laughed again. i don't even know why i kept saying that, i just did by accident. it was really wierd.
i went to bed at about 1:30am. and i was supposed to get up at 7am.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Random Flashy Post

hey everybody! i don't know why it is underlined like this, and don' t know how to change it! sorry! haha

anyways, i am home alone and quite insane so that's all i really have to say.

look! i fixed it! (don't know how that works...)

anyways i wanted to post so here it is--

wow isn's this post just really flashy?? i like it!

ok so YC is tomorrow and i am totally psyched!! so i will post after i get back all about YC.

bye bye!

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


(once again, a very detailed version...)

ughh...why is there a radio playing?? where am I? 5:50am??? why is this alarm going off...?? oh yeah. breakfast. band trip. kayla...ashley...caitlin...time to get up. let's get dressed, call the guys, and go...before i fall asleep again.

so that was tuesday morning. and at 6am, we called the guys--hey, coming for breakfast? ok we'll meet you down there in like 2 minutes. yeah. we went down for breakfast. i had half a bagel. then finally, about 20 minutes later, breakfast was done. we trekked back up to our room, and sat down. kayla and ashley decided to go back to bed, but caitlin and i decided to stay up. we called random rooms to find out if anyone else was up, but they were all asleep. so we just kinda wandered the halls and looked for someone to talk to. finally, and about 6:40am, richard came out. he was dressed and ready to go down for breakfast, so caitlin and i went with him. that was our 2nd breakfast. i had another half of a bagel. so then we went back upstairs with richard. we went into his room where 2 guys were sleeping and logan was in the shower...we were trying to find some of the fudge that logan had promised me, okay?? nothing bad. we never saw anything. we didn't get any fudge, either. so then we went back to the room. i decided to sit in the hall because it was cooler out there. thn, suddenly, i saw logan and richard get into the elevator for breakfast! so i ran down the hall, jumped in through the doors of the elevator...and got stuck. and of course, them being guys, they didn't help me. i had to push the doors out of my way all by myself.

so much for gentlemen.

so we went down for breakfast number three. i had some juice and a couple bites of logan's bagle. and richard was having difficulty sreading the cream cheese on his bagel "because it was melting" so i had to do it for him.

haha. uncapable men.

so then back upstairs we go. and then who do we see? sean! ok, breakfast time for sean! back downstair for breakfast number four!! wow this has to be some sort of record or yeah this time i just had juice. good old apple juice. yummy. ok so after a very long breakfast, i went back upstairs and hung out in sean's room with him and justin and shelton and caitlin and ashley...and it was kinda boring. we were all just sitting on the beds and stuff because we were all so exhausted. and then finally one of the chaperones came by and was like "time to pack up guys" so i went back to my room and packed all my stuff up...and got dressed finally. i had been walking around in pajamas. :) yeah so then caitlin and i were done packing and just lying around when sean came in with his bag and yeah he helped me pick out what to wear. ha. and then i got another massage...magic fingers!
so anyways we finally got our butts downstairs to--yes, you guessed it--load the bus. it was funny cuz everyone was super tired and we're all just toally dragging around. yeah so it was a half hour drive the school for the band clinic, and sean sat beside me and fell asleep!! and when we got the school i had to wake him easy task! but it was done. then we had to unload all the equipment and everything...ugghhh.
the band clinic was good. i learned a lot, but who wants to hear about what i learned from that?? haha it wasn't all that important. the next important thing was lunch! yes! pizza and pop! what could be better?? we pretty much had the school to ourselves because the students were in class. kayla and i took a walk with our pizza and met some guys who said they woud give us the rest of their drink for a slice of pizza...we said no because they wouldn't pay us!!
so back on the bus we got...and by this time it was super hot out! as we walked back to the bus, i realized that i still had my diet coke with me, and that i couldn't bring it on the bus. so sean chugged it. that was funny. he made a mess when he spit some of it back up.


on the drive to the science center/imax, once again, sean fell asleep. in case you were wondering, he slept on my shoulder. this happened a lot on the trip.

and no, i don't have feelings for the guy. he has a girlfriend!! he's just a good friend.

ok, now that we have that cleared up, on with the show! where were we...
oh yes! the science center. not much to report there. caitlin, sean, and i just wandered around. nothing special. although we did decide that we were going to go on a hot air ballon ride one day. and i almost fell asleep on a bench. so then we went to the imax. we were seeing "mystic india"...and it was pretty good. at least, what i saw of it was. you see, we were in a dark theatre, in really comfy chairs, and we were all sup most of us slept. yes, sean slept on my shoulder. a lot of other people slept too. it was funny.

but shush, don't tell the band teachers, they don't know that we slept during it. haha.

ok. after the imax, we drove home. whoopee. basically, the gist of it is that sean and i slept on each other--

haha how bad does that sound--

so yeah that's basically the band trip.


ok yeah i know it wasn't that least not this part. but the whole story is basically that i slept! ha!

THE END (the second time)

Thursday, May 18, 2006


THE BAND TRIP (in great detail) PART 1
ok. so monday morning i get up, shower, do all my stuff and finish last minute packing. then kayla and her dad came to pick me up and we drove to school where we were dropped off. then we had to load everything onto the bus including all luguage, instruments, stands, music, etc. kayla and i were in charge of the music folder box (a box where everyone puts their folders so they don't get lost) and that was a heavy box!! it was such a bad job! anyways once we had loaded all our junk and ourselves onto the bus, we were finally on our way!! yay! we drove over to college park school (about a 2 minute drive) and there we unloaded all our instruments and everything and set up for a performance in their gym. chris dumped spit from his tuba onto ohmin. that was definately a highlight. anways, we played a concert there. not much to say about that. so then we loaded up all our stuff again, and were back on the bus for a trip out to the saskatoon christian school, where, once again, we unlodaded and played a concert. not much to say about that one, either. just your regular concert. no big squeaks or anything. so yeah. we played that concert, then loaded up the bus again (you will notice that there is a lot of loading and unloading haha). we also ate our bagged lunches on the bus, and we drove to moose jaw! i don't really remember a lot about this trip, just that i didn't sit in my seat, i went and sat at the back of the bus with logan and richard and morgan. that was interesting...we also watched the beginning half of "the longest yard".
when we got to moose jaw, we split up into groups to go see the tunnels. my group's tour didn't start for about 45 minutes, so we had time to shop around moose jaw. we could go wherever we wanted as long as we were in groups of four or more and were back in time--total freedom! so caitlin, kayla, ashley, shelton and i went and walked around, bought ice caps/fudge for kayla and i, ice cream for the others, and a dog bone for kayla to bring back to her dog. ha. and then it was time for our tour...but we were all there earlier than we acutally had to be there, so we just all hung around and chatted with other people. and this guy on a bus driving by gave us the finger. we then went on our tunnel tour, "passage to fortune". it is all about chinese immigrants. i screamed twice on that tour! i think the guide thought i was a little messed up in the head.
so after everyone was done their tours, we got back on the bus and headed off to regina. they played the rest of "the longest yard". once again, i sat in the back of the bus with logan and richard, and this time kaitlyn reed joined us and the three of them played janitor. i don't know, it's some sort of card game. i just sat and watched. i sat in a seat beside richard for a while, then i moved to logan's lap, and then to the floor--where i got stuck and logan had to help me up. that was funny. it was here when sean realized that he had lost his eagle. now the eagle is a pendant that sean wears on his neck, and it has been passed through his family or something. it's really important to him, and he never goes anywhere without it. anyways, by this time we were in regina, at a place called "the classic buffet". while everyone else went inside, sean and i combed the bus for the eagle (i was on my hands and knees!), but we didn't find it. the classic buffet--ew it was so disgusting in there! i barely ate anything because everything was so greasy and i was so disgusted. yuck!
after we had all..eaten...we got back on the bus and drove to the days inn hotel where we were staying. there we unloaded all our luguage and were assigned rooms. i was staying with caitlin and kayla and ashley. after we were settled in our rooms, we went down to the pool. it was so fun! we just kinda hung around and got carried around and thrown around and pushed/pulled into the pool. it wasn't a very big pool, but we had lots of fun anyways.
after we were in the pool, we got dressed. then we kinda split up. ashley and kayla were kinda all over the place (mostly joey dissan's room for kayla) and caitlin and i were in sean's room. we just watched tv and joked around and got massages. sean has magic fingers! haha. then at 10:30 we all had to go back to our own rooms to sleep.
haha. sleep. yeah really who slept?
anyways, in my room we did each other's hair (all straight) and were just watching tv, eating, and talking on the phone. we finally went to sleep at 2:30am...after about an hour of thinking there was someone in the hotel (we were hearing strange noises) and talking to some guys, trying to convince them that we were scared out of our minds and needed male assistance. eventually though i calmed down and got the other girls calmed down. the guys were pretty annoyed of us by this time! so yes we went to sleep at 2:30am...with plans to meet some people in for breakfast at 6:00am. did that plan happen? check out BAND TRIP PART 2 to find out!

Long time no post!

wow i feel like i haven't been on here forever! and in a sense, that is true. because i haven't posted in over a week, and last week i was posting like everyday. but that was because my life was so crazy and drama filled, and this week it has been kinda boring. well, at least these last two days have been. on monday and tuesday i was on a band trip...and man, was that fun! i really need to write about everything from that trip...just so i don't forget! so ok, i will try. here goes...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

How Strong Are We?

How strong are we...when i say we, i mean the four of us--steph, kayla, caitlin and i.
i know that steph and i will be tight forever. we have an amazing bond that has withstood 5 years. and that included a fight where we like hated each other's guts. it's endured crushes and stupid misunderstandings and jealousy. me and steph, we are inseperable. attached at the heart and mind, both daughters in Christ forever. together forever, in this life and the next.
kayla and i have been friends for 4 years, super close for the last 2. we are attached at the hip. we go everywhere together. kayla and i are so much alike, it's crazy! we like the same things, think the same way, have the same fashion style...we have an amazing understanding of life and each other. we're going to be close forever, we have to be. losing her would be like losing a part of me.
caitlin and i have been friends for 7 years...the longest. but we have never been overly tight. we've always been friends, but never as close as i have been with either kayla or steph. maybe that is why kayla, steph and me always seem to be "against" caitlin. we don't mean to, but steph, kayla and i are so close...the three amigos. sure, we love caitlin. i can't even imagine what i would do if something happened to her. caitlin is the academic, athletic one. the perfect one.

how far can we make it?

make it or break it, right?

friendship takes work and committment and love and support.

life today was crazy. kayla and steph and i decided that this whole deal with caitlin needed to be solved. and so we decided to talk to her. steph had to go drive, so me and kayla talked to her near the end of lunch. and i don't want to give too many details, cuz it's still hard for me to comprehend what went on. not that it was horrible, but it wasn't good either. it was bad, and heated, and ugly...well let's just say that by the time we went inside and the bell rang, i was about ready to cry. thank goodness i didn't. but i really wanted to just skip fourth, find someone who would skip with me, and just leave and talk and cry and hide.

how horrible am i...i just feel like such a horrible person lately.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

One Down, One To Go

ok. so for anyone who is really curious about my life and really wants to keep up with it, this blog is the thing to read!

seriously though, if you are really interested in how my life has changed since my last post (yesterday) then read on...

ok. so i talked to some people about sean, and sean and i talked. and he never meant for that to happen, like, for the whole "going for morgan through katelynn" thing. whew! it was such a relief for me to hear that! i had never thought sean would be a person to do so glad that he's not like that. he really is a great guy.
now, because of all this, sean is not gonna ask me out. because he was thinking about it or whatever, it leaked to like one person, and all this crap went down. so he's calling the whole thing off because life goes wierd when people try to ask me out. ha. funny.
i have mixed feelings about that. in some ways, i had kinda wanted sean to ask me out--just for the thrill of it. besides, sean is a great guy, a guy with lots of great qualities. he'd be an awesome boyfriend. besides, i had liked him earlier in the year, and it was only because of recent issues that i didn't like him now. exactly. but you know, when you find out someone likes you, you sometimes just can't help but liking them...yeah it's confusing i know.
but at the same time, i am glad that he didn't ask me out. im really glad we sorted this all out...but i think it's a good thing that he didn't end up asking me out. because i would have had to say no. i just knew it wasn't a good time...i promised myself (and people are holding me accountable to this) that i wouldn't date again until i was 16--the age my parents have set as a rule (im still trying to change it haha). and hard as it is to say again...i really want a chrisitan guy. im not limiting myself...but definately going for christian guys first. because they least, most do. and i think in the end it would be better that way.
GOD's got a guy all picked out for me...i just wish i knew who he was!!

so my other problem...a new one that started today. well actually maybe it started a long time ago...i don't know. let's see if i can try to figure this out...

steph, kayla, caitlin and i have all been close friends since grade 5. we've been through a lot together, and im pretty sure that nothing will break us four apart. but...
everyone says that high school is all about making new friends and having the time of your life, right? i agree with that. all four of us do. and we've all made other close friends...except for caitlin. oh yeah sure, she's got friends, im not saying she's a loser, cuz she's definately not! but she hasn't made the close friends like the rest of us have. which isn't good...sometimes i get the impression that we're all she has. but that's off topic.
so late last week, steph and i had decided to go out for lunch today with some of our youth friends. caitlin and kayla, being out of drivers ed for a little while, were just gonna hang out. apparently they had plans to go to the mall or something. i never knew about those plans. and apparently neither did kayla, because she made plans to go out for lunch with a guy (kelly if you want to know his name). maybe caitlin just assumed we were all going to the mall, maybe we all just forgot, i don't know.
anways, today at break caitlin asks kayla if we're going to the mall for lunch. and kayla says that steph and i were going with youth friends and she was going out with kelly. and cait asks if she can go with kayla and kelly, but kayla says that they just want to be alone. (it would be really awkward if cait went because kayla and kelly are pretty much going out and caitlin likes him...whole other story). so yeah we all go our seperate ways. and when i come back from lunch, i hear that caitlin just totally broke down at lunch and started bawling and that some of the guys were trying to comfort her and that she was sick and tired of being ditched all the time.
now, as usual, i have mixed feelings about this. on the one hand, i think that yes, we were sort of mean, and that we should have planned our schedules better so that we weren't all leaving her. or somehow incorperated her into our plans. on the other hand, i think she over-reacted--crying is a bit extreme. now, we've always kinda had problems with ditching caitlin (mostly accidental) or she just feels alone. but it takes her a long, long time to tell us--if she ever does. usually we find out though other people or clue in ourselves. and i know it must sound like we're totally un-sensitive and can't even pick up on our friend's feelings--but caitlin is a master of hiding what she truly thinks!
so basically i think that kayla, steph and i should be more considerate, and that caitlin should be more open with us about what we do that bugs her--she's allowed to freak on us!! i don't think it will break us up. we've endured fights before. no biggie. i also kinda think she should make some other friends...but that's not for me to determine. so im just gonna leave it at that.

whew! glad that's all out. it was a rough day!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Stupid Grade 9 Relationships

why are guys so stupid? im not even kidding, this situation that im in right now has got to be one of the stupidest things on the planet.
okay so here's the sitch:
morgan is going out with justin. sean likes morgan. sean wants to go out with morgan, but morgan wants to go out with justin (or possibly another guy but that's a whole other story). so now sean is telling people that he likes me and that he wants to go out with me. and apparantly he's gonna ask me out.
now here's where things get really trippy.
morgan and kayla and i were talking about this today, and we think we've figured out what is really going on. we think that sean is just trying to go out with me to make morgan jealous or something so that she will break up with justin and go out with sean. after she dumps justin, sean will dump me, and they will go out. sean gets what he wants, morgan gets a boyfriend that will do stuff with her, and justin and i get broken hearts.
but that's where sean goes wrong.
we have figured out his plan. and if he goes with it like we think he will, then it's not gonna work out. because if he asks me out, im gonna say no. which i was gonna say anyways (im sticking to this not dating till im allowed--although i will admit that i had some second thoughts and kinda wanted to go out with him...anyways that's a different story...). and im really hoping that morgan won't dump justin unless she really doesn't like him...but mostly im hoping that she won't go out with sean. because morgan and i are pretty close...and im hoping that she would never do something like that. sean is trying to use me to get morgan...which is horrible! in fact, like if this is what he's tyring to do, i don't even know how i can be friends with him...i mean, sure im still gonna be friends with him. but it gives me a whole new opinion and view of him.
i actually hope that all of this is not true and im just making it all up...because i never would've seen sean doing something like this. and i think it hurts more to see sean doing something like this than it actually would to have him dump me if i went out with him.
oh, the life of a's so hard!!
stupid grade nine...stupid relationships...stupid boys...
the one that i am trusting completely and fully right now is close as i am with my friends, they could be fickle (i can't believe im saying that!!). but they are only human...but GOD is perfect, GOD is unchangable, GOD gives unconditional love...
i guess i will just have to be remembering that as i go through this week.


Saturday, May 06, 2006

Full-Time Participant

so last night at youth mike was talking about being a participant and being a spectator in the race of life. and you know, i really liked what he had to say. it was really interesting. even though coltan was like talking and whatnot haha. anyways umm yeah what he had to say was really interesting. and i guess it just really got me thinking about whether i am a participant or a spectator. and, i know that i would like to be a participant, and that is where i am working towards. but right now, i feel that i am kind of both. some days i am a total participant, and i pray a lot, and read my bible, and just totally give my whole day and everything to god. and then there are those days when im just like screw this!! and i just kinda freak out and have a bad day and just watch things from the sidelines. but, as i have learned from experience, being a participant is way more fun. and more rewarding, too. i like it better. so im trying my hardest to be a full time participant. and grace and steph and other people are gonna help keep me accountable. which i think is really good, cuz keeping people accountable really helps. especially when you have the same "problem" as them and you can work on it together. i like that feeling, it makes me feel less alone.
so i guess now i have a job--being a full-time participant in god's amazing race of life.



Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Lifted Spirits

hey! i'm back, and doing way better! i think this whole invisible thing is more than it's cracked up to be...and i think i was just playing with some sympathy there. because today i totally didn't feel like that anymore! it was awesome! wow!! GOD IS GOOD! so yeah all in all my day was pretty sweet. just kinda one of those days where you can just hang back and relax.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Just Me...The Invisible Girl

(here's a thing that i wrote at school today...)

well, another wonderful day at school. HA! NOT!
i mean, shcools all right, but it's not THAT great. sure, it's something to do. time consuming.
i think it's just the people.
now im a social person, and i say that i got to schoolf or the people. which is generally true. but, well, lately ive felt really out of it. in but out. heard but not listened to. noticed but not seen.
it's taken me a long time to figure out that im invisible. and it hurts. im not sure if it's my fault or just the way it is. or maybe im just making something up that isn't even there.
i don't feel invisible at youth. and maybe that's why im so hyper and talkative tehre--because im finally being seen, finally being heard, finally receiving attention.
wow that sounds bad. i sound like i just want attention. but everybody needs some amount of attention--i must not be meeting my given quota. and it's not like i cut myself or anything like that for attention. i can live without attention. im almost positive of that.
but im a social person. i can't live without people, without my firneds.
sometimes i wonder if they actually are my frieds. most of the time i don't let myself doubt their friendship to me, but sometimes i have to wonder. would they leave me if something better came along? what can i do to make them like me, to fit in our little group like everyone else?
whoa how shallow of me is it to think about fitting in? about being like everyone else?
but really i don't want to be just like everyone. i want to be unique, a girl loving GOD, a girl loving her friends, and a girl whose friends love her back.
just for who she is.

that's something i wrote today at school, and i really don't know why. most of the time my friends aren't that bad...they're good people. i don't know...i think maybe im just making this all up. oh well, tomorrow is another day...a new start.
and if anyone out there cares...pray for me. even though i feel so close to GOD right now...i fear that this may be a time when i am desperately challenged.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought

(here's some things that struck me today and i have been thinking ever since...idunno maybe it's just me they mean something to...whatever.)

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep
6. You mean the world to someone
7. If not for you, someone may not be living
8. You are special and unique
9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them