Sunday, February 17, 2008

Valentine's Day

well i know it's a few days later but i've told this story quite a few times arleady so i figured i would just put it up here and then you can ooh and aah all you want without making me tell it over and over again!
so all keith had told me was that he had some plan and i was supposed to come to his house at 5pm and then i would find out what we were doing. so i showed up at his house, and find that he has made supper for us. he kicked his family out of his house and set up a little table with roses (one each of red, white, and pink) and some little candles. he made so much food...soup and porkchops and potatoes and corn and then cheesecake with cherries for dessert! he made my favorites...he had very sneakily been keeping track of some of my favorite foods and then put them all together. and while we were eating he had a cd playing, coincidentaly the same cd that he had given me when he first asked me out about eight months ago! he had actually had to get my sister to find the cd and reburn it for him because he didn't have it, obviously, because i did.
and then after supper he told me that we were going to decorate a cake for michael (it was his birthday, and i actually knew this part of the plan, he had told me before) and so he's like oh we need to go get some candy hearts to decorate it with, they're in my room. and so we walk into his room and i'm thinking well this is a little odd, why did i have to come, obviously something is up...and surprise surprise, on his bed is a big white teddy bear and a box of chocolate (dark, of course, it is my favorite)! so that was exciting. he also surprised me with tickets to see the movie definately, maybe which is a new release that had just come out on valentine's. so we decorated michael's heart-shapped, pink iced cake and then went to the movie which was really good and i enjoyed it. then we booked it to michael's house to say happy birthday and deliver the cake, and then i quickly went home because it was getting late and it was a school night.
you know in general i think valentine's is kinda overrated, and i don't think it should just be one special day out of the year, but the whole year should be like that. but i have to admit, i loved valentine's this year (i'd never really fully experienced it before, apparently). i know i got spoiled, but i can't lie--i loved every minute of it.

Friday, February 08, 2008


there is so much going on in my brain right now that i don't even know what to think and i'm so stressed it's unbelievable! me, the one who is never very stressed! people keep asking me what is wrong because i'm so quiet and haven't talked much at all this week, and all i can say is that i am stressed and that there is a lot going through my mind.
take, for example, course selection. we're choosing classes for next year, and it's really hard. especially because i have no idea what i want to do with my life! and when i say that, i mean that i have no idea what i want to do after high school, what i want to take in university, what i want to become. HELP!
so i'm taking a generalized year next year (i think, i haven't handed in my form...) with AP english classes, my C30 math, history, all my sciences, band, and psychology. my mom wants me to take the AP calculus class too, but i don't think i can. i hate math, i don't enjoy it, i don't understand it, i don't think i would do well in that class. i don't want the added pressure of that class. i know it would be difficult, and i don't want to do it. she would rather me drop band and take the AP calculus course. but i would rather stay in band. even though a lot of my friends are dropping it, i really enjoy band. i do. and it's the only stress-reliever class that i have, all the other classes will be hard, hard work. so i don't know what to do.
i'm also thinking about driving. again. i need to get my drivers, i know i do. i need to get it simply to get people off my back. i understand now why people didn't like it when i asked them about it, because now that it's happening to me i hate it. it just makes me want to leave it alone and forget it. but i can't leave it alone because people keep saying it to me, and it only makes me angry and i don't want to be angry because i know they're just trying to push me in the right direction. and i need to get it over and done with so that i can have a cell phone...
and then there's egypt and ottawa, and trying to pay for those, with the little money that i have, which means i need to get a job, which means i actually need to get on that...which means i will be even more busy and adding another thing to my life. i want to work, i need the money, but i can't bring myself to actually come out and do it. what is wrong with me?
and then there is yc, which if i go i will have to pay for but it is worth it to spend the money, i just have to convince my parents to let me go.
and paying for a dress, because i'm keith's escort for grad, and i need a dress for that, which is another thing to pay for on my list...
i realize that i'm probably stressing this way too much. but i just can't help it. it's all on my mind and won't leave me alone!