Saturday, March 31, 2007

Prayer


FATHER YOUR LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL. IT IS EXTRAVAGANT. IT IS INTIMATE.
YOU ARE ALWAYS THERE, CLOSER THAN A BROTHER...
NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY YOU FEEL TO ME, YOU ARE CLOSER THAN IT APPEARS.
YOU HOLD THE WHOLE WORLD IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND, AND AMAZINGLY, I AM THERE TOO.
YOU CARE ABOUT ME AND EVERY SINGLE THING THAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE.
YOU DRIVE MY CAR OF LIFE...AND I AM IN THE PASSENGER SEAT, THE STUDENT DRIVER.
YOU SING MY SONG...I ONLY SING THE HARMONY.
YOU WRITE MY STORY...IF ONLY I WILL GIVE UP THE PEN.
FATHER YOU HAVE THINGS PLANNED FOR ME IN MY LIFE THAT I CANNOT FATHOM, YOU HAVE PLANS THAT I CAN ONLY DREAM OF. YOU KNOW MY EVERY THOUGHT; YOU KNOW WHAT I WILL SAY BEFORE I SAY IT. YOU KNOW WHEN I STAND AND WHEN I LAY DOWN. YOU KNOW HOW MANY HAIRS ARE ON MY HEAD...
JESUS YOU KNOW WHEN THE SMALLEST OF SPARROWS FALL TO THE GROUND...
LORD GOD YOU ARE HOLY AND AWESOME, YOU CREATED THE EARTH AND ALL THAT IS IN IT.

WE STAND AND LIFT UP OUR HANDS
FOR THE JOY OF THE LORD IS OUR STRENGTH
WE BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP HIM NOW
HOW GREAT, HOW AWESOME IS HE
AND TOGETHER WE SING, EVERYONE SING
HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHT
THE EARTH IS FILLED WITH HIS GLORY
~holy is the lord by chris tomlin

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My Story


Meaningful ok guys...in light of the past couple days, i'm thinking that i need to get this out to y'all. i know that the people reading this are trusted friends, so i'm not worried about it getting spread all over in the wrong way. but if you do have questions about it, please ask me. putting it on this blog is just the easiest way to explain it right now, without having to tell it five different times.

it mostly started in grade 9, last year. it started because i was pressured to look like that, to act like that. everyone around me looked like that, and i wanted to look like that too. i wanted the attention (mainly from guys) that the others got. guys gave the pretty, skinny girls the most attention, and i wanted them to notice me, to talk to me and notice me even when my friends weren't around. to see me for me, not for who i hang out with. and so since i believed that i wasn't pretty and couldn't do anything to change that, i figured i could just be skinny and that would be enough. hence the reason i ate very little. this also caused me to develop a phobia of eating in front of people, which made me not eat much even when i was with people that said they didn't care how fat/skinny i was.
last year was pretty hard for me, because i knew what i was doing and i knew that it was bad for me, but at the same time, i couldn't stop. people noticed that i was skinny and i did get complimented on it. i didn't want the compliments to stop.
i took all my reassurance about myself and my self worth from guys and the way that they saw/perceived me, and the way that they treated me. the more attention they gave me, the better i looked...or so i thought.
thankfully, because i knew how harmful i was/could be to myself, i didn't go too far. i don't know if i was ever completely anorexic...my weight never went terribly significantly down, and there were very few days when i didn't eat anything; generally i would at least eat a bit of lunch and some supper.
a lot of people called me anorexic last year because they never saw me eat. a lot of people tried to force feed me, and this just turned me away from food even more. i learned to eat enough to fool people into thinking that i was eating enough. i knew enough about anorexia and how it affects the people involved to know how to get around it. i've read a lot on the topic, espeically in the last year, and i could tell someone almost exactly how to be anorexic and not have people notice for quite a long time. not really a good thing to know, but i know it. but on the other hand, i also know all the problems with it and all the side effects and such. but that's beside the point.
i have hit a few points in the last year and a bit where i get very upset, and just decide that i really want to be anorexic. where i actually wanted to give up food. and there was even a point where i ate very very little for a few weeks, and maybe at that point i really was anorexic. i don't know. but i do know that it's over now. and i'd like to tell you how that happened.
early in february, i had decided for some reason or another that i actually wanted to be anorexic, and my goal was actually to become anorexic when i came back from maui. i knew i could hide it from people for a long time, and i wanted to see just how well i could pull it off. in a way, i suppose it was like a challenge for me. but at the same time, i knew that it was wrong, and i struggled with it a lot in maui--which caused my maui diet to wreck havoc; some days i ate way too much, some days i probably didn't eat enough. but then when i got back...i changed my mind and decided that it wasn't worth it. i was tired of struggling so much with anorexia/eating disorders, i knew it was wrong to hurt my body like that, and i was sick and tired of eveything that it brought to me and all the pain that it caused me. i had known that this beast had a hold on me for a long time, and i was ready to break the chains, to snap its hold on me. so, on february 20th, i was sitting in my bed and i finally gave it over to God and was like ok God i give up i'm giving this to you. and i thought about what robyn always says, about how God breaks her. and so i told God that he could break me whenever, that i was ready and i wanted it to be over. and i was expecting the breaking to happen in a couple weeks...but what do you know it happened that night. all of the sudden i was sitting up in my bed, crying my eyes out, and i could just feel God talking to me and taking it away. and i just gave it to him and prayed and prayed. and then all of the sudden, i stopped and listened...and i couldn't hear the little voice in my head anymore. there was no annoying little voice saying that i needed to weigh less. in fact, all i could hear was silence. and it was the nicest sound i have ever heard.
i'm convinced that it was God, and the whole experience is recorded in my prayer journal...that was the night i started my prayer journal.
the end!

just wanted to let you know my story. it really is over, i truly believe that. i am finally free from a beast that held a hold on me for over a year. it ran my life...but it doesn't any longer.

and i finally figured out why the song surrender made me cry all the time. because the lyrics are all about surrendering...and i hadn't surrendered everything, when i thought that i had. the song doesn't make me cry anymore. it only makes me think of this night, and everything that has happened in my life that revolved around this eating disorder.

i'm giving you my heart
and all that is within
i lay it all down
for the sake of you my king
i'm gving you my dreams
i'm laying down my rights
i'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life
and i surrender all to you, all to you
and i surrender all to you, all to you
i'm singing you this song
i'm waiting at the cross
and all the world holds dear
i count it all as loss
for the sake of knowing you
the glory of your name
to know the lasting joy
even sharing in your pain
and i surrender all to you, all to you
and i surrender all to you, all to you

Monday, March 26, 2007

You Know You're a Band Geek When...


you hear that you made musicfest canada. and you cheer. in the middle of class.

yes ok i admit it to the world--I AM A BAND GEEK! i freely admit this to you all, right here on my blog.

haha good thing it's not more public. there's only a couple dedicated readers out there...i think.

anyways! today our band found out that we have been invited to musicfest canada...basically the national competition for concert bands, i guess you could say. this is a HUGE accomplishment for us, being a new band and all this year. we went to our first festival a couple weeks ago, and all three adjudicators gave us A's, which was the cause for our invitation!

the invitation is good for two years, so either next year or the year after we'll go. next year it's in ottawa, the year after, in vancouver. i'm extremely excited, no matter where we go. it'll be probably just under a week long, and we'll fly. how exciting!

maybe this will convince everyone to stay in band now.

My Billet Girls


Animals wow this weekend was insane, and i am so tired from it! but it was amazing and i don't think i would trade it for anything. so let's see saturday i didn't do much, just hung around the house and did some chores oh and got ready for the billet girls who came saturday night! they were so awesome i loved them. i've only known them for a couple days (and they're on their way home right now) but already i feel like we are really good friends. as one of them said "how nice to meet as strangers and to leave as friends that have had awesome talks!" or something like that she said. so i had a really great time with them. it's really fun to be a billet host family, especially when you get girls as nice as these ones were. they were my "rad billet girls" as i called them! haha and we were their home away from home, their saskatoon home, and their twin house...haha such good times. i wished they lived here so i could hang out with them...but if they lived here, we never would have met under these circumstances! so i guess they have to live in edmonton...oh well. we're planning on keeping in touch through e-mail, so it should be good.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Poster Making, Flirting, and a Surprise

Animals so tonight at youth we made posters and banners and stuff to decorate the gym with for the taco lunch on sunday. it was so much fun! i was painting all night practically, and having a grand time with it all! i painted lots of stuff...and had my face painted...yeah i had green, red, and black paint ALL OVER my face. literally. it was pretty crazy. i was just supposed to have a green dot on my nose...but, well, when you let keith do it, what do you really expect? haha oh well i didn't mind. it felt kinda neat actually to have all that paint on my face, especially when it dried and cracked when i scrunched up my face. and then for small groups lyn was talking about flirting with guys...and you know i've been thinking about this issue actually over the last...oh, i don't know, about a year now i guess. and i have made some changes, i think, in the way i act around guys. and i think part of that is because i'm a different person now, and i'm closer to God, and i think it also has to do with keith...but yeah. i don't feel like i'm as much of a flirt now as i was before. but i know that i still do flirt, and i gotta say, it's hard not to! especially when everyone else is doing it, and that's the way i've always acted. but i truly do want to be different than all the other girls out there, and i don't want to be leading guys on. because i know thta it will end up hurting them, or making a big mess of a situation. so i'm working on it. i realize that it's a work in progress, and i'll probably never be perfect. but hopefully i won't be breaking guys hearts because i'm leading them on!
so that's the first two parts of my title. the third part, the surprise (well the surprise to me, i don't know if it was the one steph was talking about...) is that kent is in town for the week! ahh i missed the kid so much! it was awesome when he came tonight for a couple minutes, he put his hands over my eyes and said guess who, and i turned around and i was like KENT!! then i stood up and practically jumped on him to give him a super big hug. chatted with him for a couple minutes before he had to go...and i hate goodbyes...but he said that he was coming on sunday to the taco lunch which is awesome, and he'll be here all week, so hopefully i can hang out with him!
it's gonna be one crazy weekend, but i'm up for it!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Going Back In Time


Meaningful a friend challenged me tonight to think about my past, and where a major issue in my life came from...i've recently gotten over the issue, thanks to GOD and a couple wonderful friends...but now i'm really being challenged to discover where this beast came from and why. this involves going back into my past...and i'm not so sure what i might find there.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Fighting a Losing Battle


Meaningful what to do, what to do...how do you reach out and tell someone that it's not working? how do you tell them that their priorities seem to be in the wrong place? how do you tell them that they broke a promise? how do you tell them that something needs to change? how do you tell them that you are hurting, and that it's their fault?

life is all about change, about growing up, about adapting, about making friends, maybe losing friends...but i don't want to lose friends! and i don't think that this one needs to go.

but something needs to change...because something is not right. but how do i bring this to light? i don't want this to blow up in anyone's face, but is that the only way? it's a big thing, and it's going to take a lot of care and attention to fix. are we ready to commit to that?

and on top of all that, i've been getting these tugs at my heart...these emotions that swell up within me...i feel like GOD is talking to me...but i have no idea what he's saying! i'm so inexperienced about feeling him, about listening to his voice...how do i know that this is real? and how do i figure out what he is saying to me?

FATHER I THINK THESE TUGS ARE YOU...WHAT ELSE COULD THEY BE? I'VE ONLY FELT LIKE THIS A COUPLE TIMES BEFORE, AND THOSE TIMES IT WAS YOU...
JESUS I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME! I AM STILL, I AM WAITING, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOD...BUT IT DOESN'T ALWAYS MAKE THE WAIT ANY EASIER. I WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER GOD, BECAUSE MAYBE IT WILL HELP THIS SITUATION, AND OTHER PEOPLE. THERE MUST BE AN ANSWER TO THIS, CAN'T YOU JUST GIVE IT TO ME?
SO I'M SITTING, AND I'M WAITING...
I AM STILL. I AM LISTENING.
PLEASE SPEAK TO ME FATHER...I WANT TO KNOW YOU, I WANT TO HEAR YOUR VOICE...AND I WANT TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO TELL ME.
PLEASE GIVE US THE ANSWER...

Monday, March 19, 2007

Come to Me


i just gotta say that i absolutely love it when people come to me and tell me all their problems. not that i wish my friends would have problems...but i know it's inevitable that they will. and so i have to say, i love it that they come to me with all their woes and worries. not because it necessarily makes me feel good...friends having problems does not make me feel good! however, it does make me feel as if i'm some sort of use, as if i'm helping them out, when i can give advice, or just be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. or even just someone who will listen to them rant and rave (as i so often do to myself!). so maybe i am just saying...that i'm always here to listen. and i listen because i care so much, and i just want to help. so come to me if you need someone! i can be many different things, just tell me what you want and "your wish is my command"!

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Me in Maui


this is seriously one of the best pictures of me i've ever had...so enjoy! if you want copies, let me know! (kidding, i don't think quite that highly of myself)
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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Update

ok grace this is just because you asked for it so here goes my boring update.

ok well so thursday i went on the band trip...yes i am a band nerd...haha actually it was really fun. way better than i thought it was going to be. i sat at the back of the bus with some friends and a bunch of grade nine's and actually it was really fun. convinced mark not to quite band!! woot woot! and he's kinda a leader in that group, so maybe none of them will quit now...see i do good things! like helping people not quit band...yeah anyways. so grace and i definately ate a whole bunch of junk...so here is a picture:
Food
yes it is lovely i know. we had coffee/hot chocolate, doritos, cheezies, m&m's, chinese food, ice cream, poutine, orange julius...probably more junk...yeah band trips are our fat days. can i join the fat club now?? haha

ok and then on friday which was a day off (woot woot) i played settlers with jeff and keith. and i won. but i actually had to work for my win this time! and it was their first time playing cities and knights...i think i teach settlers too well. i've given away all my tricks...now all they do is block katelynn so she doesn't "explode"...it's frustrating sometimes to play with people when all they do is spoil your plans. and then you spoil one of their plans...and you think revenge is so sweet...but it's not. it really isn't. i do not get joy out of revenge. i realy don't.

on another note...nicole is getting her braces on monday. how exciting. haha i'm sorta laughing at her...because i know what she will go through. but on the other hand, i feel bad for her...because i know what she will go through. so i guess i'm just sorta neutral about that whole thing.

but i don't really know why i'm posting, considering i have nothing to say, and a whole pile of homework waiting for me...so there you go grace. there's my sad little update for ya. comment your heart out. man i need something good to post about. somebody please give me a topic i can rant and rave about!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Letters

i swear i'm going to have nightmares about writing all those addresses on those letters...it was a lot of writing!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I Don't Understand

I hate it when i can't understand something. i absolutely hate it. it's one thing for my parents to say no to something, it's another for them not to have a reason. or a very bad reason. or for them to have a reason, and when i ask them to explain it to me, they say something like "you'll understand when you're older" or "because we said so" or "we're more comfortable this way". it really frustrates me! and i've had a whole lot of it lately. basically because keith asked me if i wanted to hang out this afternoon. he had some stuff planned and it sounded like a really fun time, and i was really looking forward to it. but my parents said no. and all because the plan was for it to be just keith and i hanging out. we hadn't invited anyone else, we wanted to do some stuff that we had been talking about for a while, and crazy stuff that belonged to insiders. and my parents said no purely because we wouldn't be in a group situation. so naturally once they finally told me that keith and i tried to find people to hang out with, therefore making it a group situation and allowing me to be a part of it. but no such luck, it was too late. everyone already had plans or homework or something. so we both ended up spending the afternoon at our respective houses, quite bored. which is dumb, because we wouldn't have been bored if we were together! i don't really understand why my parents said no. like in some ways i get it, they don't want me to be alone with a guy, blah blah blah. but we were gonna be at his house, and his parents were there (and yes i told my parents that) so i don't really get it. he's been here when my parents have been home, what's the difference between my house and his house, other than at my house my parents can watch us like hawks? plus it's not like we had anything dirty in mind...we didn't, i can assure you. other than dating behind their backs, we've never done anything to cause them not to trust either of us, especially when we're together. and i keep telling them--we don't want to hang out because we're trying to get around the no dating rule. that's not our intentions. we just want to hang out and spend time together because we enjoy each other's company. we have a lot of fun together...but it's pretty hard to keep a friendship going with someone when you're not allowed to see them outside of group situations. i'm scared that i'm gonna lose him as a friend if i never get to spend any quality time with him. the only time we see each other is for mexico meetings, youth, church, and worship practice. and we don't even talk that much! well we talk but we don't like do anything, it's all group situations...to nurture a relationship (and i'm purely talking about friendship here) you have to spend some quality time with people...and i don't want to lose him.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Producers


so last night keith and i went to see The Producers at centennial auditorium...oh pardon me, teachers credit union place...anyways. the show was so good! i had never seen the movie, so it was all new to me. but it was funny, and the actors were good, the music was good, the sets and lighting was awesome...it was just a really good show. they did a really good job of it, i was impressed. and so was everyone else in the audience! it really is a funny show. and keith and i had a really good time, we laughed almost throughout the whole entire show! it was really nice to go see that with him. and i'm glad my parents let me go. they were thinking about it, because "it has all the components of a date" as my mother said. but it wasn't a date. at least, i don't think it was. it can't be. it wasn't, simple as that. but we did have a really good time. every time i hang out with him or spend any time with him it always reminds me of why i love spending time with him, and always makes me wish that we hung out more. but alas we don't. wait why am i complaining, i see him at least three times a week. anyways the show was just really awesome and hanging out with keith was a blast. probably one of the funniest parts was right when the show was about to start. keith had never been to see anything professional there, in fact, he had never been to tcup ever. so when the lights started going down and the curtain was about to rise he starts bouncing in his seat and going "ooh! ooh! it's starting! it's starting! this is so exciting!" he was just like a kid in a candy store...the look in his eyes was pure joy and amazement. gotta love it when people get such enjoyment out of the little things in life. what a hoot.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Opportunistic Year

(is opportunisitc a word?? well you know what i mean: a year full of opportunities.)

Funny Phrases <--- why didn't someone tell me sooner...(kidding)

wow this year holds so much for me, and i'm still so young! (sort of) because when you think about it...well look at all the stuff i have done/am doing/might be doing:

~maui in february
~mexico in may
~possibly skydiving in june
~possibly applying for egypt (trip wouldn't be until april 2008 though)
~camp (maybe two!)
~going to my cabin (it seems strange to put that on this list but hey my cabin's pretty great)

and well just look at all that! and i'm sure there's more that i can't even think of...like really. i am so lucky...too bad everything costs money. oh well. if it's meant to be it will happen...haha, i hate that statement.

hey my new glasses came in! i'm going to pick them up on thursday afternoon...so i'll wear them to the missions meeting thursday night...i hope everybody likes them, i'm actually kinda nervous about it. wierd, eh?

well i better go get ready for my violin lesson, don't wanna miss that! hopefully my teacher is in a good mood. oh well i'm doing well in my song so there's no reason that she should yell at me. not that she ever does yell at me...anyways. other good news: finally bought my violin! just bought it last week...how exciting! but now that i know how truly expensive it is i get a little nervous taking it places...gulp. would hate to wreck it now. well would hate it before too i guess...so it doesn't really matter i suppose. well anyways that was my off topic-ness for today...wow this was completely a pointless post. hence the name of the blog is pointless and random stuff...

Monday, March 05, 2007

Mask



in drama last week we made plaster masks. we then cut out eye holes, put some gunk on to make them hold together better, and put in elastic so that we could wear them without holding them with our hands.
and today...today we started mask work.
it was an experience, let me tell you that. and i want to try to take you through the whole time...you won't feel what i felt. you can't without actually being there and wearing a mask. but i need to try to convey what i felt...because it was deep. and strange. and i need to talk about it.

we used the dance studio. it has a bunch of mirrors in it, almost all the walls are lined with mirrors. our teacher had us lie down on our backs with our masks beside us, and relax. she led us through some relaxation breathing and just made sure we were ready. then she asked us to slowly sit up, and to take our mask in our hands. to cradle them, and just to stare. not to look at all the fine details inside and out, but just to stare at it. to realize that this was your face; that this is what you would look like when you put it on. just to stare and let your mind go blank.
then; "mask, turn around so you do not face any people. put your mask on."
[side note: she calls us mask while we have the mask on because she cannot call us by name because we are not ourselves, we are someone completely different.]
once our masks were on, we layed back down on our backs. she put on some relaxing intsrumental type music, and told us that we were awakening for the first time. we needed to awaken on our own time, and to study ourselves, to learn about ourselves. to figure out that we had bodies, and to learn what they could do.
it was strange, to wake up and be in this mind set that you were seeing everything for the first time.
"mask, look in the mirror and see yourself for the first time. be afraid of what you see."
i took a glance in the mirror...and immediately turned away. i did not like what i caught in that glance...maybe it was creepy, maybe my mask just looks strange, i don't know. but i do know that the feeling that coursed through me was strange, i had never felt it before. and i vowed right then and there to not look at myself close in the mirror with a mask on again. i didn't have to act being afraid of myself with a mask, i actually was.
"mask, there are those without masks in the room. seek them out, you are curious about them. but stay away from the other masks, you are afraid of them."
i walked slowly and deliberately to those sitting on the side. i studied them, and i seemed to see them through different eyes. they were nervous, because these white-faced people were coming up to them and just staring them down, trying to learn about them. we were observing.
"mask, make fun of those who are not masked. you are superior to them."
i just looked, with a confidence about me. i felt confident.
"mask, look across the room. there is something that makes you angry."
i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror across the room. and i was angry, for a split second. then:
"mask, that thing/person that you were angry at...you are now afraid of it."
the fear i felt of myself was very real, i don't remember being that afraid of something so silly before. this was a very real and attention-grabbing fear. i backed up, into a wall. i was cornered, and i felt it.
"mask, you have been hurt by this thing."
i actually felt the pain of being emotionally hurt. i was backed into the wall as far as i could go, and i slid down until i was sitting in a tight ball. i was so full of emotion that i was choked up and had tears. i couldn't understand how this being (my reflection) had hurt me so much.
"mask, you have decided to trust another mask that you would not normally trust. seek that person out, and learn to trust them."
i sat. i didn't know who to trust. katie came up to me, and she looked at me. i slowly stood, and she backed away a few steps. we circled, just staring at each other. not a creepy stare...a wondering stare. wondering if we could trust...
[side note: afterwards, my teacher complimented us on how we were trying to trust each other]
"mask, show your new mask friend something in the room that you are proud of."
katie took me to show her aly, her friend. she was proud of her friend. and i...i was not proud of anything in that room.
"mask...you are tired. you are weary. but there is still a long way to go before you make it home...do whatever you have to do to get there."
i was suddenly exhausted, drained of all energy i had previously had. i slowly dragged myself against the wall, where i sagged down and almost fell asleep.
"mask, turn away from the others and remove your mask."
i removed the mask.
and suddenly everything felt like a dream. it felt surreal, like it maybe hadn't happened. like i was caught and confused between reality and dreamland.
i was shaking after this experience. i didn't know what to think. it was crazy. it was emotional and hard and strange. i felt detached from myself...i really did feel different. it is powerful, as soon as you don that mask. you are so different...and there is only a tiny part of your mind that is still in reality.

i like mask work. it's so different, because no one can judge you. everyone is in their own little bubble, and everyone reacts differently and is so changed by the whole experience. i can't wait for tomorrow.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

My Weekend in a Nutshell

Funny Phrases haha well i am back from another worship practice...we had a couple new people which is pretty sweet, we sound pretty good now when we get it together, a better balance because there are more instruments. i still sometimes feel useless and out of place there. but i think it's just a matter of throwing myself in and just *pop* making myself known. i suppose.

all in all it was a pretty great weekend. friday at youth, making all that food for beth and linda...it was a great time, i enjoyed it a lot. and our small group was really good, we had some awesome conversations. then sleeping over at steph's with grace...wow we hadn't done that in so long. it was way called for. we need to do that like every month or something at least. it was way overdue. and we watched rumour has it, the one with jennifer aniston. and while it was slightly twisted...it was funny. the grandmother was the best, because she wasn't grandmotherly! she was hilarious! then saturday steph and i hung out...almost got locked in the mall, discovered how cool empty malls are...oh yeah and watched 4 movies that day! let's see we went and saw the new james bond movie, casino royale, in the theater. then at her house we watched flicka (cute movie, it made me cry, i really liked it), mission impossible III (awesome movie, it rocks i love it), and pride and prejudice (the new one, with kiera knightly...aww what a cute movie). anyways it was really good, i love sitting around and watching movies. and then today well let's see there was church and some shoveling that we did for the missions team stuff which was fun except i was pretty cold at the end, and worship practice which i already talked about and well yeah that was basically my day! how exciting. and i'm looking forward to an action-packed week as always, haha. nah it'll be good. i actually do have quite a bit up. woohoo!!

ahh i'm driving myself nuts here, there's so much going on in my head and i'm second-guessing things and working myself into a tizzy. think i'll go write in my prayer journal. (gee it would be much easier if i had a blog for a prayer journal, but i guess that's not allowed...)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Boredom

well well well, it comes to this again--boredom! i find it strange how my life always seems to come down to that. well hey maybe it's my fault, because i'm not doing anything other than sitting here and blogging...life can't get much more exciting in that, she says in a sarcastic tone. actually i have butterflies in my tummy because keith e-mailed me and he's like "i have a question i wanna ask you if i get a chance tonight" and it's probably nothing...but trust me to worry about even the smallest of things such as this! dumb i know, but sometimes i just can't help myself. maybe i do have an over-active imagination...it's probably nothing. but still, it kinda drives me crazy, knowing that he's gonna ask me something tonight and not know what it is!!! and if he doesn't ask me tonight, i'll be going crazy all weekend...i'll try to keep it to myself, but i can only hold it in for so long! thank goodness for this blog. which has been pretty boring lately...that's the thing with this blog. if you look back, it's all these like deep philisophical thoughts...well maybe not. but deep all the same. it was all about my problems and how they were being solved and all that jazz. but now...it's not that i don't have problems. because i still do...they just seem...different. this year has been way different than my year was last year...and i can think of a few reasons why that might be. but sorry don't have time to share right now. i have to shut of the computer since no one will be using it from here this weekend. adios! (is that even how you spell that??)