Friday, February 08, 2008


there is so much going on in my brain right now that i don't even know what to think and i'm so stressed it's unbelievable! me, the one who is never very stressed! people keep asking me what is wrong because i'm so quiet and haven't talked much at all this week, and all i can say is that i am stressed and that there is a lot going through my mind.
take, for example, course selection. we're choosing classes for next year, and it's really hard. especially because i have no idea what i want to do with my life! and when i say that, i mean that i have no idea what i want to do after high school, what i want to take in university, what i want to become. HELP!
so i'm taking a generalized year next year (i think, i haven't handed in my form...) with AP english classes, my C30 math, history, all my sciences, band, and psychology. my mom wants me to take the AP calculus class too, but i don't think i can. i hate math, i don't enjoy it, i don't understand it, i don't think i would do well in that class. i don't want the added pressure of that class. i know it would be difficult, and i don't want to do it. she would rather me drop band and take the AP calculus course. but i would rather stay in band. even though a lot of my friends are dropping it, i really enjoy band. i do. and it's the only stress-reliever class that i have, all the other classes will be hard, hard work. so i don't know what to do.
i'm also thinking about driving. again. i need to get my drivers, i know i do. i need to get it simply to get people off my back. i understand now why people didn't like it when i asked them about it, because now that it's happening to me i hate it. it just makes me want to leave it alone and forget it. but i can't leave it alone because people keep saying it to me, and it only makes me angry and i don't want to be angry because i know they're just trying to push me in the right direction. and i need to get it over and done with so that i can have a cell phone...
and then there's egypt and ottawa, and trying to pay for those, with the little money that i have, which means i need to get a job, which means i actually need to get on that...which means i will be even more busy and adding another thing to my life. i want to work, i need the money, but i can't bring myself to actually come out and do it. what is wrong with me?
and then there is yc, which if i go i will have to pay for but it is worth it to spend the money, i just have to convince my parents to let me go.
and paying for a dress, because i'm keith's escort for grad, and i need a dress for that, which is another thing to pay for on my list...
i realize that i'm probably stressing this way too much. but i just can't help it. it's all on my mind and won't leave me alone!

1 comment:

Lynette said...

ok... i only got as far as the classes... i hope you picked what you did and don't stress about it, b'c as long as you have those general courses, all your doors are still open. EXACTLY which classes you took in high school matters a lot less than you think it will in the long run...

now i should go read the rest.