Thursday, November 24, 2005

So Confused

wow. I really didn't think that life could get any more confusing. But apparently it can.

So I was talking to Tyson today, a really good friend of mine. Coincidentally, also a friend of Kellen's.

So we were talking about Kellen, just 'cause he's been sorta strange lately (wow I have no life, all I talk about it Kellen haha). But anyways, we were just talking back and forth, trying to figure this whole thing out. So Tyson says, "you know that Kellen likes you, right?" and I say "Oh yeah, he told me like a week and a half ago". But then Tyson is saying that Kellen is just trying to get attention from me.

Now, this came as a shock, but at the same time, it didn't. I think it's one of those things when you don't know it, but when it's brought to your attention, you realize that you really did know.

So then Tyson and I talked for like 45 minutes, just trying to figure out what to do with this whole Kellen issue. And we didn't really figure out what to do. And I've been thinking about it ever since, and I'm gonna figure this out! And when I do, I'll put it here so I don't forget ('cause I know I will).

In some ways, it's really sweet that he feels he needs the attention, that he wants attention from me. Sweet, in a very twisted sort of way. I don't want anyone to feel that they need to make me feel bad (Kellen told me that he thinks we can't be friends unless we are more than friends *gag*) just to get attention from me. I want everyone to feel loved by me. The last thing I want to do is hurt myself, or, even worse, would be to hurt a friend.

In another way, I feel very used. I feel like he is just using me to gain friends and attention, to feel loved. Yes, I do love him...as a friend. Right now, that's all I want. The friendship. Maybe later the relationship. But right now, it's just not the right time. I think it would just end up hurting him. But, you never know, things can change in an instant...
And people do keep telling me that we look cute together...

See what I mean when I say that I'm confused???

1 comment:

ricky4579 said...

you're right! love is confusing!!! and it hurts...yet its the only thing that heals...