Weight Issues

i am so sick and tired of weight and pounds!! i mean, why does everyone have to be skinny?? all the celebrities are like "oh yeah you have to be thin, you have to be this and that to be someone". well you don't! you can be heavier than 100 pounds! *gasp*! did i just say that it's possible to be more than 100 pounds??? you bet i did! why do you have to be thin to be someone, to look good, to be attractive, to feel important, whatever? it should be more about health, not to be the skinniest person alive! and i'm not saying that i want the world to be obese, because 1) that's slightly disgusting and 2) it's unhealthy! it should be more important to be healthy than to worry about how much you weigh. so you are a little "overweight". who cares, because you are eating healthy, you're active, and you're comfortable in your own skin! and that's a big part of it! being comfortable with you are. as the olay commercial goes, "love the skin you're in". and i agree with that. you should love your body. sure, there might be parts of it that youd don't like, but hey! you balance out, right? so you really don't like your nose, but you love your feet! you just gotta learn to love yourself.
i'm sick and tired of hearing people complain that they are fat.

on the other hand, i know that i have been like that, and i know i have said that i was fat. as much as i hate to admit it, i know that i have said that. but you know what? i'm different now. i'm getting over it. slowly but surely. making progress everyday. not that i was ever a hospitalized anorexic or anything. but i had my days when i was like "I'M FAT!!!" and then i wouldn't eat as much as i should. but those days are over!!! (or in the progress of being over).

on yet the OTHER hand (what!?!?!?! you're an alien and have THREE hands???) i find it really wierd when people tell you you're too skinny. like it makes sense when someone actually is like dangerously skinny. but sometimes people are telling me that i'm too skinny, and i'm around people the same size as me, and no one ever says that to them...it just makes me wonder. and it's not like i never eat in front of people, i do. i don't like to, but i do. it's stupid!!! (stupid stupid, in fact. ha.) i don't know. sometimes it just really bugs me. it's like "thanks for caring guys, and i love you too, but I'M PERFECTLY FINE!! LOOK AT ALL THE OTHER GIRLS AROUND YOU THAT YOU ARE ALSO SPENDING TIME WITH! THEY ARE THE SAME SIZE! GET ON THEIR CASE FOR ONCE!" and i mean, i know it's a--compliment??--to be called skinny or whatever...and i don't really mind when people come up and go "you're so thin!" because it makes me feel...nice? special? something like that. probably not a good thing, but i'll deal with that later. anyways, it's after that, when they go "i wish i could be like that!!" when they are only like a pound heavier than i am. or they go "you're so thin--too thin. you need to gain weight!!!" and then they shove food down your throat. which sometimes just makes me feel like i have some sort of problem. which i really don't think i do.


so basically, thanks to everyone for caring and for looking out for me and for having my back. and continue to do so, because i see things differently than you do, and i need people to watch out for me so i don't trip and fall, and can't get up by myself.

but at the same time...it's hard. food and weight are touchy subjects for me that i don't really like to talk about...because no one really seems to get it. but that's ok. i get it, for myself.

so let me be myself, let me be wierd. let me talk to myself and stare off into space and zone out. i'm fine. really. just sometimes, even when i'm in a group of people, i just need to be alone.