Thursday, December 15, 2005

Jealous???...Or Just Needy???

Does that even make sense???

But whatever, I just really need to get some stuff figured out right now, and writing (aka typing) things down usually helps, so here goes...

Basically, everybody is in love. Or so it seems. So many of my friends right now have a boyfriend/girlfriend, or are planning to ask someone out in the very near future.

And I say "Go for it!! Be happy!! I'm happy when you're happy!". And that's the truth. I think...

At least I don't like anyone right now. I don't think...but we'll leave that out of this, lest this get even more confusing...

Anyways, back to the real problem: My friends and their significant others!! Like I said, I'm happy for everyone in a relationship. It's great. I can see that. And I'm happy when the people closest to me are happy. But I have needs too...don't I???

It's hard for me to get my emotional "people" needs out in the open, becaue for so long I have denied them. I kinda have a reputation of being the advice giver, the "phsycologist", if you will. And I like the job. I like giving advice. And, so people tell me, I'm usually pretty good at it.

And I put my friends before myself. I always do. And I like it that way. I don't like to focus on myself, because it makes me feel selfish. So, in a way, I'm being even more selfish, to think about other people and try to help them just so I won't feel selfish.

Wow, even more confusing...

But now I'm thinking--"I still want to put my friends first. My friends are my life. But do I have needs too?? And if I do, what are they?". That's what I'm thinking. Because when I see them all standing there hugging their "special friend", in a way, I feel left out. Neglected. Alone. Unloved.

Now I know that none of it is true. I know I'm loved. People tell me that all the time. I know I have friends. I'm always with people.

But sometimes...

Sometimes it's just awkward. I feel like I should leave, and let them be. The old third wheel deal.

So basically my question is this:

"I have emotional needs. What are they? How can I satisfy them?"

But I don't know what they are!! I think I need love. Not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend. Just the assurance, ya know? That hug that's always there, the knowing, the talking with your eyes. I know I can do it with people, and they know it too. People know I like hugs, know I need to be talked to...or do they? How come other people always get hugs when they walk up to people, but I'm left out? Is it my fault? Do I bring this upon myself???

If anyone has the answers, please share...

I need help along my journey...

1 comment:

ricky4579 said...

i wanna tell you something so very important. i know it might be hard to wrap your mind around, but even though it may seem as if you are missing out at the moment, you're really not. think about it: how many of your friends that are "in love" will be together next week? next month? next year? probably none. good things come to those who wait...when you are completely content with the world hating you and only God loving you, he WILL send someone. i promise, and so does He. love on.