so i officially think that my mother is out to get me and make my life miserable!!
well ok not really maybe i guess but still sometimes it just seems like she's right and i'm wrong, and we can't even meet a happy middle. and that frustrates me!! because if i can't be fully right, i want to be partially right!
like this whole dating thing. ok. i went behind their back. that was wrong. i get that. i understand that, what they told me about it, blah blah blah. so i did what they wanted. and from then until now, i've actually been pretty good! like i haven't like gone against them majorly or anything.
except maybe not getting off the phone quite when they want.
but anyways, it just frustrates me. because i'm stuck in this spot and i don't know what to do with it. because like ok keith and i are like really close and all...and how can i help but want to go out with him? and he feels the same and all. so sometimes it's hard or awkward because it's like what do you do because as much as you talk and grow closer as friends, you can't be anymore. and yeah well maybe it's not time for that but how do i know because all i can say is that i can't even really give it an option or thought, because i won't be allowed to take it further if it does work out!
so i guess all i can say is that it makes me mad that i have to be the "magic age" aka 16 before i can date...which, to me, i think it should be more a maturity thing than an age thing. i mean, i would be perfectly happy even if we could come to a compromise or something. say that i have to wait until i'm 15 and 1/2, i don't know. but just to say no you can't date until you're 16...and to me it feels like she's not even considering what i think or feel about the situation. because all she keeps saying to me whenever i ask her about it or question that rule is "no you need to give it time and time will help" and she just keeps talking about time. and i don't get it!
i don't know. i just don't even know what to think. and i know i'm probably not being very "mature" about "whining and complaining" about this all the time...but it's pretty hard not to wonder about stuff when it's not making sense in my head! even though i may not agree with it, they still need to explain it to me so that i understand their reasoning and can at least say "this is what my parents say and why", not "my parents said this and it doesn't make any sense to me" so yeah.
grace says just to pray about it...and that makes sense, and i am doing that. but i'm still confused, and i still don't know what to do.
and it's a long eight months until i turn 16...
and maybe one reason why i'm all like "i wanna go out now" is because i don't wanna put pressure on either of us to feel like we HAVE to go out when i'm 16...i mean, i like him, he likes me. blah blah blah. but that's now. and you just never know...i guess i just want that feeling of security, ya know? i mean i know everyone's just gonna say "if it's meant to be it will happen, if he's the one then he'll wait" and all that stuff. but that's not very reassuring!! a lot can happen in eight months...