Monday, October 23, 2006


Meaningful i absolutely hate the feeling that i am feeling right now. i've felt it before, and can't stand it. but i can't remember how to get rid of it!! last time i think i just waited it out...just sat quietly and waited for it to leave me alone. but i don't want to do that this time. i want it to leave me alone--NOW!

i guess i should explain what this feeling is. well, it's the feeling of lonliness. but not lonliness because no one is around me, because i'm not fighting with anyone. it's the feeling when you are surrounded by people, but yet feel all alone. not connecting on the same level that i normally am.

my relationships with people are fine. well, at least they seem fine, but maybe i need to examine them closer because if i am feeling alone there is something wrong, somehwere in life. i just don't know where in my life it is.

so i guess i'm just wandering, looking into things but not taking the time to really explore the areas of my life, and in not taking that time, i am letting important things (and relationships) rot away on me.

so in an answer to my own question, i guess i just need to take the time to examine my life.

and once i've done THAT, i'll be back with more questions. because i know there will be things in every aspect of my life that i need to work out.

so here goes nothing.

walking around in the dark...i've never been good at that.

will someone please loan me a flashlight?


erin said...

heya hun, i was in that exact spot like a month or so ago.
i just realized that it hasn't really been there for the last little while though, which shows, it does go away. i had it for at least three weeks on and off again but for some reason it's not there anymore. i wish i could tell you why... i wish i could tell you something to get rid of it, but i think it just kinda goes away.
wow, i've totally had that exact same feeling but i have no idea how it goes away. JUST HOLD ON and have faith that god is always there and you aren't alone. i know that saying that probably won't help because it's not that you don't believe he's not there, you just still feel really alone for no reason. i don't know how to help because i understand that it's not really about other people around you. it's more of you feeling alone inside of yourself. am i right or way off track? darn it, i hated that month of that feeling and i really hate to see a friend going through it because it's a really horrible feeling.
I will always be there. I LOVE YOU!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

katelynn said...

hey enji...i loved what you said when you wrote "it's more of you feeling alone inside of yourself." cuz that is so true!! i never thought that before, but when i read that, i was like yes! that is how i am feeling!!

thanks so much for always being there, and for always telling me that you are there. it DOES help to know that i always have people around me!! i love you sooooooooo much!!

grace said...

heyy, everyone goes through the same thing. its part of growing up. it will make u stronger, and u have to wait it out... ill be praying for u..

steph said...

heyy hun, ifn you ever need to talk...