All to Jesus...I Surrender...

All to Jesus I Surrender

All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give.
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.

(Chorus)

I surrender all,
I surrender all.
All to Thee, my blessed Saviour,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow.
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Lord, I give myself to Thee.
Fill me with Thy love and power,
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation,
Glory, glory to His name.

GOD PLEASE HELP ME TO SURRENDER EVERY BIT OF MY LIFE TO YOU. YOU KNOW THAT I STRUGGLE WITH IT...HELP ME TO GIVE IT ALL TO YOU.

AMAZING GRACE

This song always gets me...it just speaks of God's amazing grace! And I can tell you from personal experience, that God's grace truly is amazing, peace-giving, and one of the best remedies for any guilt or wrong-doings in life.

AMAZING GRACE, HOW SWEET THE SOUND
THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME
I ONCE WAS LOST, BUT NOW AM FOUND
WAS BLIND, BUT NOW, I SEE

And this third verse (from the song) really gets me too...it always seems to speak my life. I love it!! And more grace...

THROUGH MANY DANGERS, TOILS, AND SNARES
I HAVE ALREADY COME
HIS GRACE HAS BROUGHT ME SAFE THUS FAR
AND GRACE WILL LEAD ME HOME

How very true...think about it.

Knots of Confusion, Fear, & Tension

AHHHH!!! Why does life have to be so confusing??? It's all so complicated...sometimes I just hate it and want to give it all up. But there really are things (well, mostly people I guess...) that make this life all worthwhile. But sometimes those people can be so confusing!! Or is it just me? Maybe it's just my feelings...especially considering boys. Boys...in ways you just can't stand them...but I know that I would die without them. I was thinking about it last night, and really, I don't know what I would do without my guys. I mean, sure, I've got my girls, and they're great...some of the best girls I could ask for. They're always there. But guys are less judgemental...or at least they don't voice their judgements as easily or often. But really, guys are always always there. They pick up on emotions as well as any girl, they just don't always know what to do with them! But they're always there with a smile, trying to cheer you up...or an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. And they give the best hugs...
I am me. I know my feelings. Sure, it takes me a while to figure them out...but everything I feel is genuine. I can always promise that. (plus, I never break a promise!!!)
But why do I always seem to figure things out too late?? People always tell me not to rush decisions...especially when they're important ones that involve feelings...other people's and my own.
But now what happens??? It seems that I've made a decision too late...and it is my fault. I don't blame them for not waiting for this decision of mine.
The grass is always greener on the other side...
You want what you can't have...
But I can have this!! I know I can!! Or at least, I used to be able to...
Is there still a chance? I wonder...can the pain of a year be washed away with enough TLC (tender loving care)???? And can joy and love come out of this mess of possible pain???
There's a lot of thinking to be done here...
But not by me. I know what I feel...and for once, I will openly stand by what I know to be true, and will not let other people change my feelings.
I just hope that telling people was the right decision...
Maybe I should have kept it a secret...
But I can't look back now!! That won't help. So I'll sit here...
and wait.
Even though I am in a knot of confusion, fear, and tension.
Let these three things be lifted ASAP...
You know what you need to do--
...think...
...decide...
...know...
...and let the other people know the final decision...
Pain is a way of life. Am I prepared for possible pain?

With arms wide open
under the sunlight
welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
with arms wide open
now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
with arms wide open

Lyrics from 'With Arms Wide Open' by Creed

The Retreat

So I just got back from this youth retreat with my church. We went up to Redberry Bible Camp Friday night, and came back late this afternoon. And let me tell you, it was a total blast! It was cold, but it was worth it! I haven't had that much fun in a couple weeks. It was so refreshing to be around people who all cared about you and what was going on in your life. We were tight, all 20-some of us. It felt so good to be somewhere where everyone was looking out for you. It was an amazing time to be worshipping God and just having a party doing it. And, of course, games in the snow...the girls kicked the boys' butts!!! Full contact duck duck goose, murder ball, giant settlers of catan, movie making, watching movies, laughing and singing...I wish I could go back and do the whole weekend over and over. I have not had that good of a time for a while.
And the thing is, I actually am feeling somewhat better about all the stuff that's going on in my life right now. I know that just because I had an amazing weekend not all the crap is gone...but at the moment, it feels a bit better. And on top of that, I know that it will get better. Everything always gets better. And when you have God driving your car of life, and an awesome support system driving in the lanes beside you, you know that life can't get any better, even though you still have problems. Because it doesn't matter anymore. Because God and your friends are there, and they won't ever leave you. God has promised that, and I know that my friends won't leave me. I trust them.

THANK YOU GOD FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE SHOWN ME THIS PAST WEEKEND. PLEASE DON'T LET ME FORGET ANY OF IT. HELP ME FIX MY HEART, IT IS YOUR THRONE. LET ME BE YOUR LIGHT IN THIS DARK WORLD. USE ME. I AM YOUR SERVANT, AND MY MOUTH IS YOURS. YOU CONTINUE TO AMAZE ME IN EVERYTHING I SEE IN NATURE AND IN OTHER PEOPLE. LET OTHER PEOPLE SEE ME AS A CHRISTIAN ROLE MODEL. BECAUSE I AM YOUR CHILD. HOLD ME CLOSE, AND NEVER LET ME STRAY. FATHER, I LOVE YOU!

Staying Right Here

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting

Lyrics from 'Right Here' by Staind

Although these lyrics are not from a christian band (not everything i listen to is!!), the words seemed to really ring true, in a situation that is dealing with GOD. because GOD always will be there...whether I'm there with him or not.

But I will be there. Because that is my commitment. Like the song says,
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

That is so true. And I'm still with GOD because he always finds the words to say...whether through people, music, his word, anything...he always finds the words to say that I need to hear. And I know that these special words or gestures of encouragement will never stop. He will never forsake us.

We can trust his faithfulness...

Why Do I Hide This?

GOD, WHY DO I HIDE THE FACT THAT I BELIEVE IN YOU? I MEAN, I KNOW THAT IF IT CAME TO IT, TO A LIFE OR DEATH SITUATION ABOUT BELIEVING IN YOU, I WOULD SAY THAT I BELIEVED IN YOU, BECAUSE I DO. BUT WHY DO I HAVE TROUBLE TALKING ABOUT YOU, BEING TRUE TO YOU, IN EVERYDAY LIFE? WITH MY FRIENDS...THEY ARE PROBABLY THE ONES THAT NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOU THE MOST. CUZ SO MANY OF THEM ARE QUESTIONING YOU, AND THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT I BELIEVE, AND THAT I CAN HELP THEM ON THEIR SPIRITUAL JOURNEY. I HAVE NOT BEEN THE CHRISTIAN EXAMPLE THAT YOU WANT GOD. I'M SORRY. HELP ME TO BE WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE, TO STAND UP FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN, AND TO NOT LET YOU TAKE THE BACKSEAT. CUZ YOU SHOULD BE IN THE FRONT SEAT, HELPING ME DRIVE.

Change

Why do people change? Is it something that they can control, or that they can't? Maybe it's some of both...

That's what I think. That it's some of both. Like some things about change you have no control over, but some things you have total control over.

But everyone changes. Sometimes you just have to accept the change.

But what if you change, and everyone liked the "old you" better? It's not always possible to go back...

Change is natural. Change can be good, bad, or both. Change is necessary. Change is hard. Change is exciting. Change is scary. Change is dangerous. Change worries people. Change changes people.

And sometimes people don't like the changes.

Can you move backwards after moving forwards? Is it worth it to do that?

How much change is too much?