Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Pains of Being the Oldest


in case you don't get it from the picture, i am incredibly mad right now. why else would i do skull and crossbones? that's not really like me.
problem is, i don't really know why i'm so angry. yes there are a few things in the last hour or so that have just ticked me right off, but i never knew such little things could make me so angry! and it's strange because about an hour and a half ago i was fine, laughing with my friends in a car, having the best time of my life, laughing so hard i almost peed myself...
and now i need to run. which, in katelynn language, means either that i'm incredibly sad or incredibly angry.
and right now i'm down-right angry!
part of it is that i feel like my parents run. my. life.
periods for emphasis.
but really!
they plan like everything for me, especially lately. they don't even ask for my input! it's just do this now. you don't have a choice. and sometimes it's not horrible things, i mean, they're going out of town this weekend and letting me stay here. and i love that. that's what i wanted. but there are some things where they are just like no. this is how it's going to work. and there really isn't a reason why! i hate it! it royally ticks me off!
i don't know.
maybe it's because i'm the oldest. the guinea pig. the test run. i know they don't mean for it to be like that, but i think it's one of those things that you can't really help. it just happens.
i hate being the oldest...in some ways.
i'm growing up! there's nothing they can do about it. and lately it seems like they've just figured out that i am growing up, and now all of the sudden they are trying to hold me back. and the more the push me to stay, the more i want to spread my wings and fly. for some reason we just can't find a balance.

i waited too long to write this post. i lost all my fire and spark. it's not nearly as interesting as i wanted it to be. sorry.

2 comments:

erin said...

sorry to add to your fire, but, yeah, i gotta say, being the youngest is probably the most fun.
I'm sorry kid, i was gonna try to cheer you up, but i don't know how on this subject cause i'm definately youngest.

.into.the.rush. said...

haha...sorry, still loving the skull in the burning flames. nice touch.