ok i know some of you have been worried about me the last couple days. and i admit, from my blog posts, i sounded a bit depressed...
i wasn't really depressed. i just had stuff going through my head that i really needed to figure out.
so what was i figuring out?
well i learned that i have a very strange way of trust in life. it's like this:
my heart, guarded by a giant wall. a little bit of space. surrounded by another wall. and then a bunch of open space with invisible lines drawn in it. and depending on how close i am with specific people is where they go in my trusting-ness.
and i figured out that someone had snuck past all my defenses and got pretty close to my heart before i figured it out.
and it's a guy. and he got closer than i've ever let any guy get before. which is kinda scary. i've learned from experience to guard my heart, because if i don't, i will get hurt. and i don't want to get hurt.
so i was thinking about it for a few days. and i wanted to get to the bottom of this fear--i had such a fear of letting him stay in that zone of trust. so i thought about it, long and hard, and i wrote and i kept to myself in my room for a few hours while i wrote.
and i found out that a couple guys in my past had hurt me...because i had opened up part of myself, and they had fled.
and i was scared that he would leave. terrified that he was going to run.
terrified that he would take a piece of my heart and crush it.
i've realized now that he's not going to do that. i trust him. he's shown me that i can trust him...gotta love notes from the middle of the night.
so into the zone of trust he goes. and i hope to goodness that everybody's right about him.
that he won't run.
trusting a guy like this is new. it's scary. i'm terrified.
but i think i'm gonna be ok. i just keep reading the note, it's keeping me sane for the time being.
one small step for most girls...one giant leap for katelynn.