i hate feeling far away from God.
and that's kinda how i'm feeling now.
just got back from a missions trip. i expected to feel on a spiritual low after experiencing everything we experienced in mexico.
but this feels wierd.
i feel like i have no passion for God. and i feel like i should. most of our team has an unbelieveable fire and passion for God. and i want that. but i can't just make myself passionate. it doesn't work that way.
i've seen God work a lot this year. i've experienced a lot. but all the experiencing i've done has been through other people. i've gotten the edge of the experience from what happens in their lives. but i don't feel that any of it is happening in my own life. and i don't know why.
i pray all the time. i pray about the big things and the little things.
i listen for God. but it feels like he's not talking to me.
i learned about love in mexico, and i'm applying that.
i learned different aspects of love during the prayer path, and i'm working on those (although they are harder).
i learned that i need to put Jesus at the center of my life. and i'm trying to do that. thinking WWJD in every situation, praying about every choice, praying for people.
but i still don't have that fire. i'm not on fire for God. and i don't know how to become that. i want to experience God in my own life. experiencing him through other people is great and awesome in its own way, but i want it for myself, too. is that a selfish request?