Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Zero Passion


i hate feeling far away from God.
and that's kinda how i'm feeling now.
just got back from a missions trip. i expected to feel on a spiritual low after experiencing everything we experienced in mexico.
but this feels wierd.

i feel like i have no passion for God. and i feel like i should. most of our team has an unbelieveable fire and passion for God. and i want that. but i can't just make myself passionate. it doesn't work that way.

i've seen God work a lot this year. i've experienced a lot. but all the experiencing i've done has been through other people. i've gotten the edge of the experience from what happens in their lives. but i don't feel that any of it is happening in my own life. and i don't know why.

i pray all the time. i pray about the big things and the little things.
i listen for God. but it feels like he's not talking to me.

i learned about love in mexico, and i'm applying that.
i learned different aspects of love during the prayer path, and i'm working on those (although they are harder).
i learned that i need to put Jesus at the center of my life. and i'm trying to do that. thinking WWJD in every situation, praying about every choice, praying for people.

but i still don't have that fire. i'm not on fire for God. and i don't know how to become that. i want to experience God in my own life. experiencing him through other people is great and awesome in its own way, but i want it for myself, too. is that a selfish request?

4 comments:

gracie said...

i feel the same hunny..

Lynette said...

continue on the path of the spiritual disciplines that you are already doing, and pray to God, trusting that He will give you the fire when you are supposed to have it. I find "it" comes & goes, but it's the daily steps of faith and trust and obedience that matter in the long run, not the feeling of being "on" or not...

Erika said...

although it may not feel like you're on a spiritual high like in mexico, just the fact that you said "i want it for myself" shows that you ARE passionate! It's not selfish at all...it shows that you are taking steps of faith and GOING FOR IT! You may not always feel on fire (I know I don't)...but keep longing for that and your faith and love for God will grow amazingly!

Janelleee said...

Ok so I have wanted to comment on this for a few days but I forgot my account and password so nothing was working for me. I've got it back now. Alright. So this reminded me of the "Is love an emotion or an action?" question. Is knowing God an emotion or an action? Do you get it? There are some people you may love, but annoy you at times, but that doesn't mean that you don't love them. God is always there and passionate about you, even if you don't feel him. You know God is real, but at times you feel disconnected from him, but you still know that he is real. God is not an emotion in you. He is God. I often feel the same as you, as do most people I'm sure. Just keep your eyes focused on Him. I love you!