Saturday, December 23, 2006

Wal-Mart Shopper

Mr. and Mrs. Smith are retired. Mrs. Smith insists that Mr. Smith go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Smith loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store:

Dear Mrs. Smith,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment! All complaints against Mr. Smith are listed below. Things Mr. Smith has done:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other peoples carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm & clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares and watched what happened.
5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-a-way.
6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.
11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least....
15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

haha...well i found it pretty funny. did you know wal-mart is now open 24 hours a day!? i think it would be so much fun to go shopping at like 3 in the my parents would let me!


steph said...

oh wow... i laughed so hard, but of course, thats cuz i have no life... hehehe... i like the one where he hides in a clothing rack yelling "PICK ME!".... i think i should do that sometime.... anyone want to join me?? lol

katelynn said...

i personally enjoyed the one with the voices...couldn't you just see me doing that?? haha

erin said...

my favorite is probably the last one actually.
i think i'd probably pee my pants if something like that actually happened.